Healing

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The Days Are Getting By Us

Every day God send we are to spend time with God. Every day we are to get a word from the Lord. Just like we look for our love ones to spend time with us, God expects his time also. My Husband has been gone fifteen months tomorrow and he is still missing. As I sat and began to study my Sunday School lesson for Sunday; prepare for leadership these thoughts came to me. It seems as though I have been through the same things over and over again. I think about getting a divorce, have had two marriage proposals but all I can think about is Eric; I love him so much. I think that I have always loved him even when we were not together. We spent so much time together, went through some rough things, and God did spare his life as He had said. Maybe I was only to marry him to keep him alive. Two weeks after we were married on September 25, 2009 a guy was at our house when I went home one day. As I sat at my desk working, God told me to get up and go home. I walked home from work which was a couple of blocks. When I walked up Eric was sitting on the couch and the guy was standing over him saying “he was going to kill him”. But when I walked in the guy knew me from my sons and he asked me if “Eric was my husband”. I said “yes”. He said “well he owe me $385.00 and he wanted his money”. I told him “I will make sure you get your money when he get his check’. I did go and take him his money when Eric got his check at 12:01 the night of the third. I am at a point in my life where I don’t want to really be with anyone. I have trusted and trusted again. My marriage of twenty years crumbled after we got saved. We were in the church and someone in the church fixed my husband up with one of the women in the church. How she did it was to lie on me. She told him my prayer partner was my lover. I had never been with anyone. We had been high school sweethearts, got married and he was the only man I had ever been with or known.

Lies, lies and more lies. Why is it so easy for God’s people to believe a lie over the truth. The trickster is full of trickery and is tricking people out of their Godly inheritance. A lie is nothing to tell, but if the facts be sought out the truth will come. We have to choose to love God regardless. I love God so much and If I did not I don’t know where I would be now. I am not hypocritical and I do have morals. I do live a standard before God. It is not God that have tried to destroy my life but Satan and whoever he use wreck-havoc in my life. There will never be another Eric. As frail and sick as he was I believe he loved me. I use to have a bear my grandson grave me. His name was Sam because it reminded me of a Sam I knew; he was mean and had ugly ways. He spoke up for everything except what he should have spoken up for. The more I hear what people say did not hurt me as much as the paper from the last Bible Study I was at in Baton Rouge. The Pastor had said that the Bible Study was about me. Everything in the lesson on attitude adjustments I never really applied it to me. I thought that God was growing me up and I know I was not mean and manipulative as he said; but God bless anyway.

I am doing fine in my new church home and am proud to be a part of a growing ministry where I have been working out my soul salvation. The Pastor’s wife I find is a wonderful wife, mother, hard worker, missionary, district missionary and she understands her husband’s vision. She pushes her husband as the God man she knows him to be and encourages me to work with him. I work with her also in complete harmony. I thank God for a woman of God that trusts her husband and she don’t have to be around. The work of the Lord is just flowing. At my prior church all I wanted to see was the vision of the pastor come forth, but it seem I was the problem. It is still my desire that he will walk in his vision and be the man of God he has been called to be.

It seems the days are getting by me. I have not worked in over seventeen months now and I miss my old life but my new life is taking me into my future path. This new path God has set for me gives me joy, peace, and a life of righteousness of my own choice. In all of the things that has happened in my life these last ten years will one day be a big blur whereas the pain is concerned but the testimony makes me stay in God’s Will. I carry his testimony in my life as one of Jesus Christ. He has carried me all of these years. He has made me see the world from a different perspective. I see as Jesus see. I am more compassionate, loving, and understanding. I possess my body in honor to God. My husband may come back and maybe not, but he is not the author of my peace and righteousness. I love him; he brought joy to my life when I was really sick. He bleeding inside with pain. My piece I wrote on My Body Is Sacred, It Is As Pure Gold was written because I had lived four years by myself and to myself and I was so proud to write that and know that I had really learned how to live without a man. I was proud of myself. No one saw that, but they took that marriage to Eric and God only knows what was said that caused him to run; but the pastor had told me that he knew what he was going to do. He said that he knew Eric was a runner. I guess what he told in the meeting he had with him alone he ran. I guess he wanted to hurt me like he said that I had hurt him by marrying a back sliden drug addicted Preacher. I guess he wanted the best for me, but what is the best. But what is the best, I wanted my husband and was not ready to give up on him. I believed God had a purpose for him; it was God that wanted him alive. God said “Margery I want my son alive”.

Kenneth, Andre, Wash, all wanted me back. Kenneth I was so afraid of because he nearly choked me to death. Andre tried to kill me with pain pills in my dr pepper and I had congestive heart failure. I told him I wasn’t going to die until God said so. Wash stole money from me; he and his wife to the tune of $3000.00. Ted walked out on me after I fell the first time and hurt my back. Jermaine took my Explorer and said someone stole it so I did not marry him. Wilbert called for me to come back home after we had been split up and getting a divorce in a few weeks. He said he didn’t and never wanted a divorce; he just didn’t want me at the house if his son was there. I couldn’t go home that day and let Jason take my apartment because I had gotten mad with God for being separated and going through a divorce again. Bad choice; because after about four months of separation I refused to give into Wilbert wanting me. I instead started dating someone else and someone else. That Friday before Wilbert was at Heroman’s on Perkins and I saw him when I was out to lunch. We talked and he brought that up, why I hadn’t called to see if he needed loving or not. Well I told him it was because he did not want me. He said that that was not true, he loved me. The next day he called me and wanted me to come home and Jason come stay at my apartment. I was stunned and how was I going to explain to him that there was someone else in my life? I thought about the Divorce, so I told him we had reciprocal restraining orders and we would tell the Judge on the Monday , July 23, when we went to court that we decided we did not want a divorce after all. I was finally happy again.

I was so hurt when he died that I left the guy alone because I did not know who killed my husband and stepson and everybody was suspect to me. Again I was angry with God, but it was me that sinned and couldn’t go home, not God. Until I realized that anger; I did not have peace within because I was not there for my husband. I loved Wilbert and the days today is holding a special place for him in my heart. Now I love Eric and he has walked out of my life without a word. I wonder where he is, I wonder if he is eating, I wonder if he is taking his medicines, I wonder why I can’t talk to him, and I wonder if he ever think about me. Lord help me to get past this part of my life. I made a vow to him and God that I will not turn back. I pray that all is well with him. If he don’t want me, he owe me to say so. He need to get a divorce and let me go on.

Eric set me free, or come home! God is saying the same thing; “either you love me or you don’t”. Salvation is a choice, either you want to be saved or you don’t. Stop playing games with God. God is tired of these Christians playing games with his emotions. God gets emotional if we did not know that. Why do you think He created man? Man was created to praise God and bring glory to Him. We are lack in our praise, worship, and prayer. The church has but a short time to come back to God fully. God is on the verge of destruction. I found my way back to him but some of us will not make it back and in hell will we lift up our eyes. Some of us have been judged in the house already. We are in the house full of evil. The evil goes to hell. We might not smoke and cuss, cheat and steal but we covet, carry jealousy in our hearts, desire things we do not need because we are envious. These spirits have slipped its way into the Church of Jesus Christ and we are too full of wine to know it. Wake up church we have been dabbing in too much garbage.

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