Christian Living

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Sometimes I wish I'd never been born

For regarding my life I feel so worn

I often wish I were not alive

For if I were not I would not have to strive



Strive to be gracious, strive to be pure

Strive to be something I'm not, for sure

Strive to be proper, strive to be nice

I wish of these things I didn't have to think twice



I wish that I did not need to be good

I wish I did not need to do what I should

I wish that my life were easier yes

For I am so tired of all of the stress



The times are so bad I just want to be mad

I do not want to be nice to my mom or dad

I do not want to try to do what is right

I just want to be mean and fight, fight, fight



I never knew that life could be filled with such pain

But then I turned one and wisdom I did gain

Getting beat on and tied up and thrown on the bed

And then falling out and hitting my head



Getting gagged with a sock so I wouldn't make noise

Why was it just me and not the other boys

And then that one day when she tried to drown me

But my brother walked in and would not let it be



I wish I did not have to do what I must

Is there anyone out there who I really can trust

Is there anyone willing to do what is right

even when what is right seems lesser than might



I thought when I had my son it would be great

And that I would be there whenever he ate

I thought I would watch him and help him grow up

I thought I'd be able to fill his cup



But no, that can't be, I must suffer some more

I must try to keep myself up off of the floor

I must watch someone else be he father it seems

I am only his dad in my dreams yes it seems



I thought I could be there and teach him new stuff

But four days a month makes that kind of tough

I feel like I do not even have a child

I love him so much, and it does drive me wild



And If it was just that I would truly be fine

But there are other problems and yes they are mine

Like bipolar disorder and ADHD

They make life so much harder all the time truly



There is so much more that I have to go through

Just to get through the day and do what I need to

Sometimes I just wish that I'd never been born

For I never imagined I would be this torn



But when I do wish that I'd never been born

I remember my cross, yes the one I have worn

The cross I have carried since the age of five

The cross that demands I continue to strive



I do have a purpose and it's not my own

My life is my Lord's, to me that He has shown

I must surely keep moving and paying the price

And of that must I do not, will never think twice



My Lord is my rock yes He is all I need

He is there for me no matter what indeed

I do live for Him and not for myself

My life must be lived and not put on a shelf



And when I do wish that I'd never been born

I think of the struggles that my Lord has worn

For He knows my pain, and He has saved me

On that day when He truly did die on that tree



And I think of the fact, "If I hadn't been born"

Then truly yes truly, yes I would be torn

Then I would not be able to spend eternity

In Heaven with my God and my Lord you see



So yes sometimes I wish I had never been born

But I'm glad that I was and I do have no scorn

For I can't wait until that day when I do die

But until then right here I'll continue to try



I will do my best because that's what it takes

To get through the day and to fight off the snakes

For one day I'll die and in Heaven I'll be

And that day I will meet the the Jesus in me.

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