Humor

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SCRUB-A-DUB

I remember Saturday nights during the old days. Well, okay...I don’t mean old as in the days of covered wagons or Custer’s last stand. Besides, heaven only knows what they did on Saturday nights. The mid 1940’s were the old days for me – a time when I can recall farm life without running water and electricity.

Saturday night was a very special time for us. It was the night when everyone in the household looked forward to their weekly bath. The bad news, however, was that the scrub-a-dub event took place in a large galvanized metal tub placed on the kitchen floor. Warm water was poured into the wash tub from a heated reservoir located on the end of a black cast iron cook stove that burned dried corn cobs.

In the lantern-lit kitchen, we would all take our turn soaking in that big tub. In order to keep the water as fresh as possible, and for as long as possible, the grubbiest body of the bunch was always the last to get bathed. In spite of that, all of us enjoyed the modern conveniences of that era, for they were what we knew.

We certainly have come a long way in the past six or seven decades, haven’t we? Just imagine...today we have shower stalls and whirlpool bathtubs! Not only that, but they are located in rooms designed just for that purpose...and with privacy, too! Also, it is no longer necessary that everyone wait until Saturday night for a good scrubbing. As you might know, more frequent bathing is often a desirable, if not critical, option to have available.

After a recent trip to a car wash, it occurred to me that the advanced technology found there could easily be applied to further enhance the personal bathing experience. Okay...please stay with me here, because this could be really big.

Now, just imagine every home having a specially built bathing stall with a number keypad on which to pre-set desired personal bathing choices. The system would be fully automated, only requiring that a person enter and stand upright, then, remain motionless throughout the cycle.

A typical keypad would have the following options (select according to need or mood):

#1 Head to toe pre-wash warm water spray.
#2 Shampoo applied.
#3 Full body foamed soap spray.
#4 Head to toe soft-touch power brush.
#5 Post-scrub body rinse.
#6 Under-carriage rinse.
#7 Moisturizer treatment.
#8 Power blow-dry.

The unique concept of this never-before-revealed personal bathing system would not only revolutionize the bath industry, but would provide the ultimate in convenience and comfort during the bathing experience. When word of this exciting new product reaches the public, it will sell like hotcakes!

Hmmm...I’m in serious need of some relaxation today. A nice #1...a scented #7...and a soothing #8 should take care of it.

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