Humor

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The Saga Of Kerry And Kennedy
©
by

Stephen A. Peterson


During a trial in Boston, Massachusetts, John Kerry called his first witness to the stand. A short statured, fifty plus year old, attractive woman was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the Whole truth and nothing but the truth so help her God. She responded, “I sure do!” as she placed her left hand on the Bible and held her right hand high above her head.

John Kerry approached the woman and asked, “Ms. Freeman, do you know who I am?”

She responded, “Yep, I sure do know ya’, Mr. Kerry! I’ve known you since we were kids and if the truth be known, you’ve been a bit of a disappointment to a lot of the people who know ya’. You cheat on your wife. You lie. You manipulate people like the dickens. You back bite and put down old friends. You think you’re a big shot politician when you haven’t the sense or the dadburn brains to come to the realization that you won’t amount to nuttin’ more than a two bit, boot lickin’, rear end kissin’ socialistic shyster! Yeah, siree! I know ya quite well, Mr. Kerry!”

Kerry was shocked and stunned. He was unable to get out any words for nearly five minutes or so. Then he turned away from the judge’s face afraid to look at his expression not to mention the court reporter that typed down every word of the woman’s testimony in the legal transcript.

Still stunned from the woman’s statements, John Kerry asked the woman, “Ms. Freeman, do you know the defense attorney, Edward “Teddy” Kennedy?”

She spoke up saying, “Well, ah, yes, I do! I’ve known Mr. Kennedy for quite some time! Yup, he’s a womanizer, arrogant, drunkard, bigoted, racist, dirty-mouthed person. He can’t establish or keep a normal relationship with hardly anybody. His law firm establishment is one of the worst in the whole darn Commonwealth. I know that every opportunity the beggar gits he cheats on his wife, takes from the poor and gives to himself. Yep, I know da bum!”

Ted Kennedy almost fainted and was trying desperately to slide down in his chair so as not to attract attention. Laughter, “ooos”, “ahs” broke out through the silence of the courtroom as the judge slammed his gavel down numerous times to get order in the court.

It was at this time the judge motioned to Kerry and Kennedy to approach the bench. Covering up the microphone, the judge said to Kerry and Kennedy, “If either of you two idiots ask her if she knows me, I’ll put your buns in the can for a long, long time!”

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