Christian Living

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If it were possible to convince each and every person the reality of one singular event, I submit that the inevitable meeting with Jesus, the Lord of glory, which everyone will have, would be the most pertinent. You see, Jesus Christ isn’t merely the great healer or the perfect exemplar of wisdom and possessor of omnipotence. He isn’t only our comforter, our serenity, and our hope. He is also our judge, and of all the monikers that can be attributed to Christ, that He is judge permeates my thoughts the most. I, along with all other people will meet Jesus someday after they depart from this realm.

I’ll speak exclusively for myself and admit that meeting Jesus, while bearing in mind that He is my judge, occupies a large slab of my thoughts. I ponder concerning what I will do and what I will say being in the presence of perfection, of unspotted holiness, of sheer illuminating majesty. While I can never know until the time arrives, I suspect my words might well mirror the words of Saint Peter the very first time he laid eyes on Jesus. Standing in the presence of God in human flesh, all Peter could do is drop to his face and say “ Depart from me for I am a sinful man!” For a mere human being, a fallen creature, to stand in the Lord’s presence is unbearable for the obvious fact that imperfection becomes incandescent when in the presence of perfection. The darkness of our sins and human shortcomings and immoralities are made incredibly visible when the light of Jesus shines upon them, and when it does, we are made more aware then we ever were of just how sinful we truly are. We feel this when confessing our sins, when we retreat to our closets to speak to the Lord. That we harbour remorse for the sins we commit should not be taken as negative, but as positive, for it is the Lord’s way of heightening our awareness because awareness brings forth repentance. He does not condemn us for those sins, but He does make us conscious of them. We will never ever feel good or content with sin as long as we know Him, He simply won’t permit it. Not that He is holy irate with us, but He is disappointed, and correction can only be forthcoming by His informing of our conscience.

I do believe that I am saved under grace and forgiven of my iniquities, and legalism is one of those entities I detest significantly more than others. I understand wholly that my acceptance by God the Father is predicated on my faith in Jesus, and that by no deeds, or commendable living will I be granted salvation. But you know, I freely confess, I still worry very much about meeting my Savior. Other believers often speak of throwing their arms around Jesus or singing praises in His presence when that day arrives, but my vision is very different. I can picture myself behaving exactly as Peter did, falling to my face, requesting that He withdraw from such a carnal man as myself.

I say this because I have not lived a good life even since I believed, although it was far worse prior to believing. If there is anything in me that could be deemed pleasing to God, it escapes me as to what that might be. I have not been a faithful servant to God. I feel as Paul the apostle did, trapped in a wretched body, a vessel of unrighteousness with a mind not fully committed to the Lord. I think thoughts I ought not think; I speak words I ought not speak; and I do things I ought not do. Like brother Paul, I do that which I want not to do, and do not do that which I want to. My spirit is perpetually entangled in a fierce struggle with my flesh, and every single day the same battle persists, always trying but usually failing to do that which I ought to be doing. Not that achievement means anything, but I would be thrilled if I felt, just once, that I had pleased Him. The closest I’ve come I believe is bringing a 62 year old woman to Christ while laying on her deathbed. She was very weak, almost incoherent in speech, having been decimated by her second battle with cancer, and it was expected she would perish within days. I’ll forever recall the moment when I held her hand and asked her if she wished to receive Jesus as her Lord and savior. Despite her fragility, she lightly squeezed my hand and said “ Yes, I accept Him right now” with the utmost of seriousness. I read to her a passage of scripture and prayed for her. She knew her time was very short, and I remember asking her if she was ready, and she wholeheartedly said yes. I knew she had just been reconciled with her Creator. Despite the carnage the cancer had wrought to her face, her eyes glowed with a peace that almost sparkled. She died less than a week later, and right now she is with Him, partaking of the heavenly gifts in their most magnificent forms.

When Christ presses replay on my life, I am assured that His countenance will be that of disappoint more than satisfaction. I don’t identify with the Pharisee who boasted of his altrusim, thanking God he was not as other people. I identify with the publican who pounded on his chest screaming “ Lord be merciful to me, a sinner!” What truly rattles me is the omniscience of our Lord: He knows everything about us, our thoughts, words, and actions. He is aware of our sincerity and our hypocrisy. All of our motives are exhaustive knowledge of His. From His eyes nothing is concealed, all is manifest and accessible to Him. From others, even those who know us most intimately, we can hide, we can withhold that which we wish to keep secret. From Jesus, we can hide nothing, He removes all of the veils and costumes we wear in the face of others. He knows us better than we could ever hope to know ourselves. We could wish that some things were inaccessible to Him, being that none of us have lived impeccable lives, but there are none. It has more than once entered my thoughts to say “ Lord don’t look” or “ Lord don’t listen” but futile it is to entertain such foolishness. He who is judge over my soul knows all; no stones are left unturned.

I expect, as some others might, to watch all of my works aflame when they are examined by our Lord. But I’ve always said that whether I’m polishing the pearls on the gates of heaven, or perched high in some splendorous mansion, it matters not to me, I just want to be there because that’s where He is. Too often I think believers become fixated on the surroundings or the scenery of life in heaven when speaking about it with great expectation. For myself, to be in heaven is to be with Him, not caring so much about what else may be there. If Jesus is there, that’s where I wish to be. If heaven consisted of nothing else but a vast expanse of lifeless desert with only the presence of Jesus, I’d be thrilled to go there. It has struck some students of the Bible that descriptions of heaven are decidedly sparse, and I believe this is for the very reason I just mentioned: that the inspirations given its writers are deliberately mute about heaven because our expectations are to be anchored in Jesus, not in gold streets, mansions, or the pearly gates.

It continues to evade me how Jesus could be at all interested in human beings considering how we collectively treat Him. All that He taught us in His gospels, that we are to be peaceable, self-sacrificing, compassionate, merciful, and meek; that we are to put the needs of others before our own; that we are to put away selfishness, greed, insidious pride, and malice; that we are to regard the Father as the beginning and end of all things, has been overwhelmingly trampled upon by collective humankind. His name is employed as profanity daily, and He and His kingdom are made the object of mockery and scorn by people made in His image. It would seem to me that if any one of us were treated in such a fashion by so many, we would have washed our hands of them long ago.

Think of those whom we read of in scripture, starting with Peter. Peter, who walked alongside Christ, basking in His very presence, would end up cursing with an oath--not once, not twice--but three times that he knew Him not, and publicly to boot. Then we have Paul the apostle, dragging His devotees before tribunals to be murdered. There is also the Samaritan woman whom Jesus revealed Himself to at the well, married and divorced five times and currently living with a man out of wedlock. Since Christ is also God, Old Testament examples similarly abound. We have Noah and his bottle; Abraham and his idolatry; Samson and his many harlots; David with his murder, adultery, and polygamy; Solomon and His witchcraft ( among a plethora of other sins); the brutally murderous king Manasseh; the stubbornly disobedient Jonah, and on and on. All of these people, despite what they did or failed to do, were shown unbelievable grace by God, and permitted multiple chances for repentance.

Perhaps the greatest testimony of the person of Jesus in this area is found in John 8, the unforgettable scene outside of the temple where a herd of angry religious men were insistent upon beating this woman to death for adultery. I haven’t any doubt that they wholeheartedly expected Him to give them His blessings, because after all, her execution was just desserts under Mosaic law. Her fate is in His hands: if He endorses their intentions, she’s dead, no if, ands, or buts. Imagine their surprise ( and perhaps horror) when He picked up that rock and said “ Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” This act I believe epitomizes the new covenant, where the law while not abolished, nonetheless is afforded a new purpose under the pre-eminence of grace. The law would be made to demonstrate our sinfulness, but nevermore as a vehicle for condemnation. And after the herd dissipates, unable to produce anyone who was sinless, Jesus informs this broken woman that condemnation is not his intention. This correlates nicely with John 3:17 which states that Christ’s purpose was not to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved; that it might be shown grace. Jesus in His omniscience, knew perfectly well that each and every man eager to kill that woman for her sins were just as guilty as she was, and subsequently, they knew it too once He reminded them. When I ponder that account of Christ it allows me a high measure of comfort knowing that my Lord’s purpose isn’t to condemn me or anyone else. It never strikes me as obvious when reading the scriptures that Jesus would forsake a believer, even who struggle feverishly. He didn’t do this with Peter, so it follows that anyone else would receive the same grace.

For myself, Jesus isn’t merely akin to a punch card ensuring me a pass into heaven. If that were all he really was, then it might be impossible to pursue a relationship with Him. He’s so much more to any of us than that. As Paul the apostle told the Athenians, “ In him we live and move and have our being.” He isn’t just our key to eternal life, He is everything else. Whatever we do, whatever we say, is informed wholly by a consciousness of Him, in our successes and our failures. For the believer, it is entirely impossible to go very long without thinking about Him; His presence in our thoughts refuses to depart, even temporarily.

Jesus Christ is for me the singular hope for escaping death and conquering my sorted flesh. His love, mercy, and guidance is also the only chance I or anyone else has at living a life that even resembles contentment. Jesus Christ is more than my Lord, He is my sanctuary. Should the world about me crumble into oblivion, it is He I shall grasp for, clinging to His person like the sick woman clang to His garments. Jesus Christ is my teacher; His wisdom is the beacon of light shining amidst a soul and mind that gravitates to carnality. Each and every day that light becomes brighter as His presence illuminates and nourishes my mind. Jesus Christ is my shoulder, whom my broken being finds respite amidst the trials and troubles of this life. He is also my forgiver, granting me mercy for the sins I commit; against myself, against others, and against Him. I often think of the people I’ve disappointed, the people I’ve mistreated, and the people I’ve claimed to love yet did not demonstrate this love in action. While it is a tearful exercise, it does encourage me to seek His power to improve my relations with others.

He is also my friend. If I could count on no one else; if everyone turned aside from me and declared themselves my enemy, Jesus would remain faithfully close . Jesus Christ, without reservation or hesitation, is indeed all that I have, or all that is worth having. It should never be absent from the mind of a believer all He has done and still does for, first on the cross, and continuing on throughout our walk.

When that day comes that I meet the alpha and omega, the King of kings, it will be a much anticipated relief. Of all that I ponder concerning our Lord, meeting Him is foremost. My prayer is that many more would obtain the salvation necessary to be there with me and all others who love Him.

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