Short Stories
Then
Jesus
went into
the Temple
and began
to drive out
those who
bought and sold
in the Temple,
and overturned
the tables of
the money-changers
and
the seats
of those
who sold
doves.
[Mark 11:15]
********************
(Very loud, desperate,
ear-piercing.
wifely screech.)
"Bernie'lah!
LOOK!"
(Gruff, grumpy
retort
of a sweaty,
tired husband,
who has
his runny nose
under the
left back hoof,
of a smelly
ornery donkey.)
"WHAT?"
(Screech of an
irritable wife,
whose hopes
of purchasing
a very special souvenir,
on her first trip to
the Temple of Jerusalem
three days before
and has returned
that very morning
to purchase it
before going back
home,
have been
dashed to pieces.*)
"LOOK!
JUST LOOK!
OH...........NOOOOO!"
(Gruff,
grumpy sigh
of an even
more irritable
husband,
trying to
figure out why
his ornery, smelly
donkey is limping.)
(Muffled curse of a
grumpy man who just
banged his
runny nose
on the hoof
of a very
over-fed**,
displeased
donkey.)
"WHAT?
WHAT?
Come ON!
LET'S GET that... silly
.....BOWL, and......
PUT IT IN THE CART,
ALREADY! I GOT TO
PULL THIS PEBBLE
OUTTA DUMP'KAH'S
HOOF! NOW, GET THAT
STUPID BOWL....
AND,
LET'S LEAVE!"
(Woeful, whiny screech.)
"But.....BERNIE!
LOOK!
LOOK!
IT'S ALL .......GONE!"
(Gruff, grumpy,
sweaty sigh.)
"ESTHER! WE GOT
TO GET GOIN', SOON!
BY THE TIME WE LEAVE
THIS UCHEN'VEY TEMPLE....
IT'S GONNA BE.. MOBBED..!
WITH OTHER TRAVELERS.....!
ON THAT...
DAMN ROAD!"
(Loud sob.)
(Horrified silence.)
(Even louder sobbing.)
"BUT......BERN....NIIIEEE!
MY BOWL'S GONE!
MY BOWL'S G..O..N..E!"
(Bernie, now sweating
profusely and rubbing
the top of his nose,
looks up: squinting.
The late morning sun
is right in his eyes,
and he already has
a bad headache.
He also has a bad
stomach ache: the
night before they
had eaten supper
in a little off-the-wall
Middle-Eastern restaurant,
in the middle of
down-town-Jerusalem:
all night,
back at the inn,
poor Bernie'lah
has been burping..
and,
passing almost as
much gas as the
ornery Dump'kah.)
"WHAT'S THE MATTER?"
(Silence.)
(Husband and wife
stand near the steps
of the Temple Courtyard:
staring.)
(Gruff, grumpy mutter.)
"What the HELL,
happened.....HERE?"
"BERNIE! SHUSHHH!
DON'T CURSE!
YOU'RE RIGHT BY
THE TEMPLE!"
(Bernie'lah, still rubbing
his sore nose, doesn't
say a word. He just stands there:
mouth agape.)
"WHAT THE....
hell......?"
(Esther gently pats
her plump husband,
on the arm.)
"SHUSH, BERNIE'LAH!
SHUUUSH! SOMEONE
WILL HEAR YOU!"
(Bernie'lah, not listening
to his wife, at all.... opens
one sweaty palm: in it are
several Roman coins
that he has been saving
to change at the
money-changers' table:
only now, the tables and
chairs have been overturned,
and are covered with white
and gray feathers,
the lids of baskets and vessels....
and broken pieces of
pottery....
and spilled food.)
"WELL.......I GUESS,
WE WON'T BE
NEEDING THESE....now!
JUST LOOK!"
"WHAT do you think....
HAPPENED?"
(Bernie'lah shrugs.)
(He cocks his head
toward his wife,
and whispers.)
"PROBABLY......
the ROMANS! YOU
know how they love to
go STOMPING AROUND!
THEY PROBABLY just
got BORED, YESTERDAY!
And.....FELT LIKE ....
KICKING AROUND a
bunch of STUFF,
at the TEMPLE!"
(Woeful moan.)
"But......my BOWL!
MY BOWL!
I REALLY WANTED
TO GET THAT BOWL,
BERNIE! IT WAS
SO ....VERY PRETTY,
BERNIE!"
(Sob.)
"AND.....THAT MERCHANT
TOLD ME...
HE WAS GOING TO
GIVE ME A GOOD PRICE,
ON IT.......TOO!"
(Gruff, grumpy shake
of the head.)
(Rub nose, again.)
(Pat Dump'kah, on
the smelly rump.)
"WELL......NO CRYIN'
over SPILT MILK....
NOW!"
(Hot, tired sigh.)
"WE MAY AS WELL....
GET A MOVE ON!
THE ROAD'S GONNA BE
CROWDED, AS IT IS!"
(Esther doesn't move.
She continues to look,
very bleakly, around the
huge courtyard of the entrance
to the Temple.
It will be a long time
before she gets to come
here, again......and, she
so very wanted to buy
that little bowl: it was
a pretty glazed pottery....
with tiny Hebrew letters
inscribed on it....and
the picture of a tiny little
bird. She had never
seen anything like it...
and, now.....it was GONE.)
"BERNIE? CAN YOU
GO AND LOOK FOR
THAT MERCHANT......
FOR ME? MAYBE,
HE'S STILL GOT ONE.....
IN HIS CART...?"
"OH.........ESTHER...!
PLEASE.....!
IT'S SO CROWDED,
RIGHT NOW!
I CAN'T REMEMBER
WHO HE IS.........?"
"I DO, BERNIE'LAH!
I DO! DON'T YOU
REMEMBER: HIS WIFE
WAS WITH HIM!
SHE WAS NURSING A
LITTLE BABY!
SHE WAS THE ONE SELLING
THE INCENSE IN THOSE
LITTLE RED BOTTLES!"
(Bernie is the one
to moan, now. He
slumps his head against
Dump'kah's smelly rump,
and moans, once more.)
"EST'ER'LAH!
PLEASE!
I'LL GET YOU A BOWL...
WHEN WE GET HOME!
I'LL GET YOU A BOWL!
I BEG OF YOU!
JUST GET INTO THE CART!
PLEASE, MY EST'A'LAH!
WE GOTTA GET GOIN'!
IT'S THREE DAYS TRAVEL,
FROM HERE!"
(Tearful sob.)
"But.....Can't YOU LOOK?
HE MUST BE HERE...
SOMEWHERE!
CAN'T YOU ASK.....
SOMEBODY?
ANYBODY?"
(Loud mournful sigh.)
"ALRIGHT......ALRIGHT!
Just GET INTO THE
CART!"
(Mumble.)
(Mutter, loudly.)
"I'LL GO OVER....
AND ASK THAT....
RABBI.....! MAYBE,
HE KNOWS SOMETHING,
ABOUT WHERE THE
MERCHANT AND HIS
WIFE HAVE GONE!"
(Sniff.)
(Sniff.)
(Hiccup.)
"But......BERNIE!"
(Wipe a tear away,
just like a little child.)
(Whisper.)
"Isn't he.....a PHARISEE?
THEY don't TALK.....to
just....ANYBODY!"
(Bernie gives a rather
rueful grimace, and
shrugs: philosophically.)
"ONE can always....ASK!"
(Wave toward their small
cart, and Dump'kah, who
is now nosing a piece of
grass by the side of the
courtyard, and dropping
something very smelly
on the other side.)
"Now....GET into the CART!
LET ME GO ASK!
I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.......!"
(Sniff.)
(Sob.)
(Hiccup.)
"AL.....RIGHT.....BERNIE'LAH!
AL...RIGHT! ONLY..."
(Sniff.)
".....DON'T GET INTO
ANY TROUBLE!"
(Bernie waves at the
air, dramatically....
and shrugs, again.)
"DON'T WORRY.....!
DON'T WORRY!
HE PROBABLY WON'T
EVEN..
SAY A WORD......
to ME!"
(Woeful nod,
like a small child.)
(Sniff.)
(Take Bernie's hand,
and step up into the
little wooden cart. Sit
down: still sniffing.)
(Bernie, still waving
and nodding back at
his wife: starts walking,
somewhat cautiously,
toward the important-
looking Pharisee.
Here
and there,
Bernie can see people
on their hands and knees....
beside the overturned tables...
not praying,
but muttering to themselves,
and carefully picking up
small fallen coins.)
(Bernie stops walking,
and pauses to nod,
reverently: almost
a tiny bow.)
"Good AFTERNOON....
RABBI!"
(The Pharisee,
whose name is Phart'zee,
simply glares, at first.
Then, after an elegant
pause, Phart'zee shows
a very beady-eyed sneer:
his covered head held
very high, and condescendingly.
He purses his very
pale, thin lips.)
"GOOD AFTERNOON!"
(Bernie clears his throat,
dryly. He never speaks
to Rabbis.....particularly,
in any meaningful conversation.)
"My good RABBI......!"
(Bernie nods, very
reverently, again:
this time, putting a hand
to the small of his back,
while he bows.)
"My WIFE and I.....
have STOPPED at the
TEMPLE, this MORNING...
to pay.....TITHES....
and make, perhaps...
a small PURCHASE,
for the TEMPLE...
of COURSE!"
(Pharisee Phart'zee
doesn't reply.
He, instead,
looks away, and simply
purses the thin line of
his lips once more.)
"Hmph!"
(Bernie turns around
for a moment, and glances
back at his wife: she is
nodding back at him,
and waving a small hand
toward the elegantly-
dressed rabbi.)
(Sigh.)
"Uh.......yes.
Uh.....you see....
I was SEEKING a
particular MERCHANT..."
(Beady-eyed sneer.)
(Pharisee Phart'zee
again purses his
thin pale lips,
with obvious disdain.)
"OH?
ARE YOU ....BLIND?
DON'T YOU SEE
WHAT HAS HAPPENED,
HERE?"
(Bernie shakes his head,
looking up at the well-
dressed Pharisee;
the bright sunlight
seems to be making
his aching head and sore
nose hurt, even worse.)
"WELL......no.
You see, my WIFE and
I were TRAVELING
HOME, and..........."
(The stern-looking rabbi
suddenly raises his voice,
and points a skinny,
bony finger, laden
with a big bright ring,
towards the road:
crowded with people,
and animals.)
"GO BACK TO YOUR
VILLAGE! AND.......
STAY AWAY FROM
HIM! I WARN.....
...YOU!"
(Bernie can only nod,
quickly and silently.
Suddenly feeling slightly
nauseous, he doesn't
say a word, but only
backs away.....all the
while keeping a wide-eyed,
frightened gaze upon the
face of the furious-looking Pharisee.
When he feels safe
enough and at a distance,
Bernie turns his sweating
back, and sandaled feet:
tripping over an over-turned,
empty dove-basket-cage,
and
then a turned-upside-down
money-changing table,
and
two broken incense-vessels,
and high-tails it back
to his small wooden cart,
his smelly Dump'kah...
and...his whimpering Esther.)
"SO?
WHAT.....HAPPENED,
BERNIE?
YOU LOOK LIKE...
YOU'VE SEEN...
A GHOST!"
(Bernie, letting out
a big sigh and putting
a hand to his poor
stomach, can only
shake his head mutely.
Then he jumps up
into the cart, and
grabbing Dump'kah's
reins.......he shouts.)
"Let's GO!
I'LL tell you..........
LATER!"
(Whiny whine.)
"But..........
WHAT ABOUT MY
BOWL, BERNIE?
WHAT ABOUT....
MY PRETTY.....B..O..W..L?"
(Bernie stops shaking
the reins on Dump'kah's
smelly rump, and......
turning for one anxious
moment to look back,
replies in a scared
whisper.)
"I'm not SURE....!
BUT......eh......
I THINK ......the
RABBI ...and the MERCHANTS...are
having some kind of a
FIGHT!"
*********************
Then
He taught,
saying to them,
"Is it not
written,
'My house shall
be called
a house of prayer
for all
nations?'
But
you have
made it
a den
of thieves!"
[Mark 11:17]
_______________
*No pun, intended.
**Bernie'lah
and Esther
don't have any
children. They
are childless...
and therefore,
overfeed
the spoiled Dump'kah,
too much.
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