Marriage

---

I was programmed to believe, as part of my church teaching growing up, that if I married a Christian I would more likely have a good marriage. Put this teaching together with the concept that many Christians have, that God has a specific person for you to marry, and it poses some real problems.

Here is, I believe, a common scenario. A person marries another individual that he or she believes is "Mr. or Mrs. God's will." Things are okay for awhile, but later on these two people begin to experience problems and struggles that they do not believe Christian marriages should have, and they have no idea why. They have also been taught that divorce is not an option. Their marriage continues to deteriorate, so they end up living in a relationship which is much less than what they both thought a "Christian marriage" would be. Add to this the fact that, in the majority of cases, very little premarital counseling is given to couples, along with the thinking that it is not necessary to work hard at having a successful marriage. With all of this, there is a recipe for disaster.

A "Christian marriage" and one that is even brought together in the name of God's will, is not automatically a better marriage. It still requires a lot of hard work and an understanding of what makes a better relationship. It is, therefore, quite possible, for two people who are not Christians to have a good marriage, if they know what works well, while at the same time, a Christian marriage can end in divorce because the couple has no knowledge of the elements of a good one. Having a good marriage is really not totally a Christian versus non-Christian issue.

Every marriage must continually examine whether or not it has the elements of a good, successful relationship. This includes things like, good communication, open discussion about finances, having love and respect, and being aware of the other person's past emotional issues and hurts, to name just a few examples. There are many other general elements, and then there may be some that are unique to a particular couple. The point is, every couple must continually work at what makes a good marriage, and not just assume that it is going to be great just because it is a Christian one, and centered in God' will.

(There will be more said about this in a book I am presently working on.)

---

PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR BELOW LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE