Short Stories

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In the
beginning
God
created
the heavens
and
the earth.
[Genesis 1:1]
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Time: Sometime in the
distant future
Characters: Bob
and Seymour, two
astronauts both
from Pittsburgh;
A plump gray cat
named Mr. Spock;
God [ ]
Place: Space ship,
somewhere out there
in the universe - really,
really far out.
___________________________
(Loud banging knock
on tinted-plasti-shield
of space ship
sleeping bunk door.)
"HEY!
HEY... SEYMOUR!
WAKE UP!"

(Mumbling from inside
sleeping bunk.)
(Crack open sleeping bunk door.)
"WHAT IS it?
I got 30 more MINUTES,
on my SLEEP CLOCK!"
(Slam sleeping bunk door,
closed.)

(Continued knocking.)
(Loud, impatient yell.)
"WELL,
WAKE UP, SEYMOUR!
This is IMPORTANT!"

(Mumble.)
(Run hand through
rumpled hair.)
"What IS it?
Did ya lose...
your DVD of SEINFELD,
again? Just look UP!
It's gotta be UP
there,
SOMEWHERE!"

"NO, SEYMOUR!
This is REALLY
IMPORTANT!"

(Slowly open up door,
again: this time
banging head on top
of sleeping bunk.)
(Cuss.)
(Hang hairy, bare feet over
edge of sleeping bunk.)
(Yawn.)
(Grumpy-faced sniff.)
"HEY!
Weren't ya
supposed to clean...
Mr. Spock's
LITTER BOX?
It really
STINKS IN HERE!
There's a piece
a' KITTY DO-DO
floatin' around
up, on the CEILING!"

"FORGET that,
SEYMOUR!
COME OVER HERE!
And...
take a LOOK!"

(Mutter.)
(Yawn.)
(A plump gray cat
jumps down from
out of sleeping bunk.
It immediately
starts slowly floating
up, towards top of space ship:
little paws waving about,
in the gravity-less-air.)
(Loud, irritated meowing.)
(Reach up and grab plump
cat, around the middle.)
(Grumpy voice.)
"WHAT?
Aw! Come ON!
If it's a PROBLEM...
just text HOUSTON!
And....use your
OWN CELL PHONE!
THAT AT&T PLAN
I GOT 'S A
REAL SHEISTER!"

"QUIT COMPLAININ'!
HEY, LISTEN!
COME 'ERE!
Ya gotta come...'n
take 'a LOOK!"

(Mutter.)
(Cuss.)
(Sound of space-gravity-shoes
being put on.)
(Mumbling about
space-gravity-shoes being a
big pain in the butt.)
(Sound of plasti-shield
door slamming.)
"WHAT?
This better be GOOD!
I was havin' a DREAM
about eatin' a GIANT
DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER AND.....
MCDONALD FRENCH FRIES!"

"FORGET THAT,
SEYMOUR!
Ya gotta SEE THIS!"

(Grumble.)
(Mumble.)
"OKAY.
What IS it, out there?
Captain KIRK?"

"No, silly.
LOOK!"

"YIKES!
What IS THAT?"

"It's.....WEIRD!
It's like........
it's like....
it's like a real BIG
PEICE 'a CLOTH!
Like....WHITE CLOTH!
Just OUT THERE!
In....the MIDDLE 'A SPACE...!"

(Squint.)
(Fumble with space-
gravity-glasses.)
(Cuss about space-gavity-glasses
being a big pain in the patooties.)
"YEAH..........
it's like.....
it's almost like a ....."
(Squint.)
(Press nose up to space-glass-window.)
(Fog up window.)
(Squeakily rub fingers
against space-glass-window.)
(Squint.)
"....Like a REAL BIG PIECE
'A CORDOROY!
Just....FLOATIN' OUT
THERE!
In the middle 'a SPACE!"

"YEAH!
Y'UR RIGHT, SEYMOUR!
Like a big SQUARE PIECE
A' TAN..or white.. CORDOROY!
Just FLOATIN' out THERE!
In the MIDDLE 'A SPACE!"

(Squint.)
(Fumble again with space-
gravity-glasses.)
(Glasses slip off nose, and
float upward toward the
ceiling.)
(Grab glasses just before
they hit the top of Bob's
space-bunk, and his favorite
CD collection of Greatest
Hits of the Twentieth Century.)
(Press nose again,
on the space-glass-window.)
"YEAH.........
hey, LOOK!
There's SOMETHIN'......
MOVIN'! What the heck,
IS that?"

(Bob grabs the
antique binoculars,
that he bought off
EBay, last summer.)
"It almost..
looks like a big...
giant...
FINGERNAIL!"

"YEAH!
That's EXACTLY,
what it LOOKS LIKE!"

(Low whistle.)
"What the.. HELL?
I BETTER TEXT HOUSTON!
What TIME is it there,
ANYWAY?"

(Shrug.)
(Clueless squint.)
"I DUNNO!
Y'ur BETTER at that
STUFF, than I am! The
only reason I GOT THIS
JOB was 'cuz my
SISTER'in'LAW works
for NASA's PRESIDENT
OF THE BOARD!"

"Isn't she just like,
his daughter's kid's
NANNY,
or somethin'?"

(Clueless-squint, while
pressing nose further into
space-glass-window.)
(Petting Mr. Spock.)
"Yeah.....but, it's
really an important JOB!"

(Laugh!)
"Yeah.....whatever!
Hey, I'm gonna TEXT
HOUSTON!
JUST KEEP y'ur EYE
on that THING.....
OKAY?"

(Set Mr. Spock down.)
(Mr. Spock immediately starts
floating upward, again,
toward the ceiling.)
(Reach for a plasti-gravity
bag of Cheetos.)
(Fumble with gravity-bag.)
(Cuss.)
(Big orange Cheetos-doodles
go floating out of bag,
and around the front deck
of space ship.)
(One of the Cheetos floats
up near Mr. Spock.)
(Mr. Spock starts batting at it.)
(More clueless-squinting
out the space-window.)
"SURE THING, BOB!
YOU BET!"

(Loud, exasperated voice.)
"SEYMOUR!"
(Busily texting Houston
on Cricket-cell-gravity-phone.)
"Ya KNOW WHAT?
Y'UR....a REAL DITZ!"

(Loud chomping noise
on a couple of Cheetos.)
(Smear space-gravity-glass
with sticky-Cheetos-fingers.)
(Nod.)
(Squinting.)
_______________
[SMILE.]
[CHUCKLE.]
[TAKE HAND OUT OF
POCKET.]

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Then
God said,
'Let there
be light';
and
there
was
light.
[Genesis 1:3]


Dedicated to
Denise's Genesis class.

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