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The best laid plans of mice and men usually involves cheese
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Everyone has a different opinion of what is good. What one person considers good may not suit the next person in line. Especially is this seen in the area of cuisine. For example, one man's broccoli is another man's apple fritter. The problem comes when the broccoli man insists that the apple fritter man try his broccoli. This has been the number one cause of wars since time immemorial.
Now, when it comes to me, I like cheese. Any kind and all kinds of cheese are on my menu. One of the main features about cheese that I appreciate the most is it has no expiration date. The older the cheese, the better it tastes.
To be quite honest about this whole thing, I must confess that this is not the presiding opinion in my house. The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage has her opinion about cheese and it does in no way shape or form resembles the opinion of Yours Truly. In fact, you could say we are at the opposite ends of this subject.
Oh sure, I could eat cheese every day for every meal and end the day with a nice snack of cheese and crackers. But out of respect to You Know Who, I fall in line with the acceptable routine of our house.
There are those times when visiting the supermarket I stand in front of the cheese counter with an envious drool dripping off my chin. I especially love it when they have a little booth with cheese samples. More than once I have been told that I had had enough only to sneak around the aisle for just one more sample. After all, you cannot get enough cheese.
I am not a stingy person. I honestly would give anybody the shirt off my back. Just do not ask for my cheese. There is something personal and sacred about a person's cheese.
I put before my wife very simple proposal. I will buy the cheese and she does not have to eat any of it. In fact, I would prefer that she ate none of it and left it all for me. But she opposes this proposal by telling me that cheese stinks. Whoever heard of such a thing?
"I cannot stand the smell of cheese," she complained to me.
To which I responded by saying, "Then don’t put it up your nose."
I would like to tell you her response but as this is a public forum, it is unprintable. Let it be known far and wide that I have only made that remark once and I am still living to regret it. I’m just grateful I am still living.
Everything was going all right until recently. I was managing my appetite for cheese quite well and was quite proud of myself. I had gone 13 days without cheese and one more day would have made two weeks. A world record in anybody's book.
I was so proud of myself that I decided to celebrate. And how best can a person celebrate than by indulging in some exotic cheese. I guess I did not know what I was doing.
I went to the supermarket and bought some of my favorite cheese. The aroma was exhilarating and I soon was on a cheese high. I got into my car and halfway home it dawned on me. I was in serious trouble. I was not thinking of the consequences when I bought this little block of cheese. Now a cooler mind was engaged and I had to find some way around it.
I was still pondering this as I was driving up into my driveway and noticed that my wife's car was not there. I had lucked out. My plan was now to sneak the cheese into the house so my wife could not find it.
The whole plan excited me in ways I cannot explain. Who said you couldn’t have your cheese and eat it too? My problem now was to find a place to hide the cheese that she would not discover. Much to my delight I secreted the cheese in what I thought was a safe place.
All went well until 2:25 in the morning. I awoke from a sound sleep with a burning desire for a little snippet of my cheese. I lay there for a few moments thinking about that cheese until I could resist no longer.
I got out of my bed as quietly as possible and tiptoed out to the kitchen area to retrieve my hoarded block of cheese. Heaven does not get any better than this.
To my chagrin, the cheese was gone. I searched everywhere and came up cheeseless.
With a heavy heart, I went back to the bedroom and quietly got under the covers and lay there thinking about my cheese. Then I heard a stir from the other side of the bed. Finally, I heard a familiar voice, "You weren’t looking for cheese were you?"
It is hard to lie in bed when you are lying in bed.
A verse from the Bible came to my rescue. "Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding" (Proverbs 17:28).
The better plan is to keep your mouth shut and have people wonder if you are a wise man then open your mouth and dispel all doubt.
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