The Word for Writers

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A friend
loves
at all
times;
And,
a brother
is born
for
adversity.
[Proverbs 17:17]
***********************
"My sister got MAD
at me again,
Lord."

[CALM NOD.]
[PATIENT NOD.]

"Yeah;
I sent her that
piece I wote about
my Dad....
and, she said
I was just wasting
my INTELLIGENCE."

[NOD.]
[GAZE AT FRUMPY
CHILD EATING A BOWL
OF VEGETABLE STEW.]

(Slurping from
a big spoon.)
"I wanted her to
say, 'Oh! That was
sweet, Julie!'"
(Spill some stew
onto the keyboard.)
"...Ya know:
somethin' like that."

[PATIENT NOD.]

"How COME,
the people CLOSEST
to me have always told
me... I was just a big WASTE?"

[SILENCE.]

"Like my EX:
HE told me I was
wastin' HIS time,
TOO!"
(Laugh!)
"...And, THREW
me in the GARBAGE!*"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

(Mumble.)
(Chewing.)
(Mouth full.)
"Can't I have a HOBBY?
If she showed me one
a' her WATER colors....
I wouldn't SCOFF!"

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
[SMILE.]
"I AM
a Hobby,
child?"

(Look up at the ceiling.)
(Shrug.)
"Yeah....I GUESS."

[GENTLE CHUCKLING
FROM THE RIGHT SIDE
OF THE THRONE.]

(Thoughtful squinting.)
(Nodding.)
"I've had OTHER
hobbies.......
You're the least EXPENSIVE;
at least, I don't
have to buy all those
little pots a' PAINT."

[GENTLE BURST OF
LAUGHTER FROM THE
RIGHT SIDE.]
[PATIENT FROWN
FROM
THE LEFT.]

(Whiny voice.)
"But, with YOU....
I get the most CRITICISM!
Friends have TOLD me....
I don't PRAY RIGHT....!
I'm not REVERENT ENOUGH...!
I can't WITNESS!
I don't understand
the HOLY SPIRIT!
I'm a DISAPPOINTMENT!"

[PATIENT SQUINT.]
"Why are you
a disappointment,
My kin'der."

"Oh.
Because.....I'm JEWISH,
and I don't like the
OLD TESTAMENT...
and.....
I FLUNKED outta
HEBREW school,
so I can't speak
any HEBREW!"

[TURN TO HIS RIGHT.]
[GENTLE CHUCKLING
CAN BE HEARD.]

"So......I'm kind'a...
a WASTE THERE,
TOO!"

[PATIENTLY LISTENING.]
[WATCH A STORM GOING
ON, ON THE SURFACE
OF THE SUN.]

(Pause.)
"You KNOW why
I don't like the Old TESTAMENT,
Lord:
all those ANIMAL
STORIES! ECH!"

[NOD.]
"Yes,
child.
I know."

(Grimace.)
"All that ANIMAL CRUELTY!
HORRIBLE!
ECH!"

[PATIENT GAZE.]

"And....I don't
like the NEW Testament
all that much, either:
too much TALK
about the
JEWS!"
(Make a face at
the ceiling.)
"Makes us all...
LOOK BAD!"

[SIGH.]
[SHAKING HEAD.]
[ANOTHER SIGH.]
"Why, then,
child:
AM I
your
Newest
Hobby?"

(Squint.)
(Pause.)
"You're
Fun......
to
KVETCH TO?"

[BURST OF LAUGHTER.]
"Then,
I
AM
not
a
Waste
of
Time."
*************************
Better
is a
little
with the
fear
of the
Lord,
Than
great treasure
with
trouble.
[Proverbs 15:16]


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*Only a matter of speaking:
the Ex was really (really) skinny,
and the Author is rather zoftic**;
he couldn't have thrown her anywhere...
so he threw her words, instead.
**Yiddish: pretty plump, overweight,
carrying extra pounds, heavy, womanly stout,
pleasantly fat, tubby, pudgy,
chubby, etc.

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