Humor

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Anybody who would casually investigate the background of Yours Truly would undeniably discover that I have no charges pending accusing me of being a handyman. In fact, quite the reverse would be revealed. I do not apologize for this deficit in my character; I am just setting the record straight.

I think it important that a person comes to terms with himself or herself, as the case may be. When a person honestly evaluates himself, it has the effect of keeping him out of trouble. Believe me, I am all for whatever keeps me out of trouble. It is not so much knowing what you can do as knowing what you cannot do that makes life what it really is.

That being said let me inform my public that in no way shape or form could I be mistaken for a handyman. In fact, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage has often said about me even in my presence, "He’s one hand short of a handyman." I do not know exactly what she means by that and furthermore, I have never questioned her on the subject. The reason I do not question her is that I am afraid she will give me a straightforward answer. That is just the kind of person she is. Moreover, I think some things are better left unanswered.

I am not saying it is bad in our house but the other day my wife came home and found me with a hammer in my hand and she all but went into hysterics. "What are you doing?" she said breathlessly.

I looked at her, she looked at the hammer in my hand and then looked at me and said, "Okay, let’s not panic here. Just put the hammer down and nobody will get hurt."

I was greatly relieved because it is usually me on the hurting side of any hammer I pick up, and I have the scars to prove it.

If anybody wants a nail pounded into the wall, do not call me. If, however, you want a nice hole in your wall next to where the nail was supposed to be, give me a call for that is exactly what I do.

Not only am I deficient on the handyman side of the ledger but I have no idea which tool is which or what any of them are for. Put me in a workshop and I immediately go into a panic. Not only am I lost in the workshop but also I never know which door is which to get me out. I must confess when it comes to tools I am bewitched.

I am a firm believer in that age-old theory that says opposites attract. For what I lack in the handyman department, my wife is abundantly blessed. Not only can she identify every tool in her workshop, but she knows exactly what each and every one of them are for.

You might have noticed something subtle there. I said "her workshop." Her workshop is in the garage and the garage is off-limits to me. Actually, I prefer it that way.

If I come home and cannot find her in the house, I can always find her in her workshop fiddling, or whatever she does, with those tools. According to her, and I take her word on this one, she has tools for every possibility you could think of. I never appreciated this until a recent incident in our home.

My study is filled with some very old and decrepit bookcases home to my large library. In recent months, I noticed that they were beginning to sag and threatening to give way. It was then I decided to have built-in bookcases all the way around the walls in my study. We contracted a carpenter, made all the arrangements, and set the whole project in motion.

My job, as you can imagine, was to write the check, whereas, my wife's job was to supervise the entire project. Everything was going fine until some holes were needed to be cut in the side of one of the shelves. The carpenter said, "I can’t make that cut because I don’t have the right tool for it."

My heart sank; I had no idea what to do at this point. Fortunately, my wife was not so lost and said to the carpenter, "What tool do you need?"

Obviously, he did not know whom he was talking to and mumbled something and said, "I’m sure you don’t have any such tool here."

With sternness in her voice I had heard on numerous occasions, she asked him, "What tool do you need?" He explained it to her and much to his surprise she said, "I have that tool out in my workshop." She disappeared and in a few moments returned with the exact tool the carpenter needed.

A long time ago, I learned this valuable lesson; a husband is a fool who underestimates his wife.

Another lesson I have come to learn and appreciate and that is simply a person is a fool who underestimates the grace and faithfulness of God. I take seriously what the Bible says. "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee" (Hebrews 13:5).

God's grace is never short in any department of life. Whatever I lack He abundantly supplies.

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