Humor

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Tis the season for Girl Scout cookies and nobody is happier than Yours Truly.

I don't agree with Will Rodgers who once quipped he never met a man he didn't like. Unfortunately for me, I have and the odds are pretty good I will in the future. Sorry about that, Will.

However, the same cannot be said about those marvelous, not to mention delicious, Girl Scout cookies.

Years ago I relied on some Girl Scout coming to my door offering those delicious munchies for sale. Because of the times, the girls do not go door to door. I don't blame them but it has been sad for me.

They now sell them at the entrance of some store. My wife, ingenious as she is, always maneuvers me around the tables where the scrumptious cookies are for sale.

Just this week, for example, we went to Wal-Mart for an item and the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage left me off at the front door. As I went in, I noticed a Girl Scout cookie table just outside the door. I made a mental note, ran to fetch the article and intended to go by the aforementioned table with all the goodies.

As I walked out of the door who was watching for me just across the street?

Yep. You've guessed it.

"You weren't planning on stopping at the Girl Scout table were you?" a familiar voice cooed.

I smiled one of those greasy smiles of a guy caught with his hands in the Girl Scout cookie jar.

Then God worked a marvellous miracle of portentous proportions. In our church are hundreds of Girl Scouts. O.K. Maybe not hundreds, but enough to supply me with plenty of Girl Scout cookies. Isn't God good?

And, to make matters even better, God has so arrange that one of those wonderful Girl Scouts just happens to be my granddaughter. Could things ever be better or what?

Anybody who knows me knows I am not biased or prejudiced. I am, I'm proud to say, an equal Girl Scout cookie buyer. My motto: "No Girl Scout cookie shall be left uneaten."

It is an enormous responsibility, I know, but someone has to do it.

It never hurts to buy ONE box of Girl Scout cookies, right?

After all, how many calories can actually fit into ONE of those delectable little cookies? Not enough to hurt me, is what I say.

So, I arranged with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. I will only buy ONE box of Girl Scout cookies. It was a hard sell, but I finally convinced her ONE box would not hurt me, especially if I shared a cookie or two with her.

"After all," I explained, "it is for a good cause. And those Girl Scouts need all the money they can get."

There are times, I must confess, when I am surprised by my ingenuity in getting around my wife. What she doesn't know won't hurt me.
My nifty plan was to buy ONE box of Girl Scout cookies from every Girl Scout in our church.

It is always nice to have a plan, but the devil is in the details, as they say. I had to be quite clever in negotiating each purchase and then, conceal the evidence . . . I mean the cookies, from you know who.

I must admit that right from the start the arrangement worked perfectly. There is no scout quite like a Girl Scout in my book.

Right here is one advantage of wearing a sport jacket. It is amazing just how neatly a box of Girl Scout cookies fits into the inside pocket.

I carefully concealed each box so my wife would not discover it. I was pleased with my plan and myself because she is the original Discovery Channel, if you know what I mean.

This past Thursday evening I awoke from a sound sleep and could not go back to sleep no matter what I did. Then a strange though occurred to me.
You know, one of those thoughts that only occur when you are wide-awake at 2:45 A.M.

Just how many boxes of Girl Scout cookies did I have? I would never get back to sleep until I knew the answer.

So, as quietly as possible, so as not to awaken you know who, I slipped out of the bedroom and into the den where the cache of cookies was. I put them behind some books so my wife would not detect them. I removed a few books and began counting.

I got to 27 when suddenly the light in the den went on. I whirled around only to be greeted by: "And what do we have here?"

Some people, when caught, usually say, "I glad it's all over." I did not say anything of the kind. I was sorry, all right. Sorry I got caught.

Right on the spot my wife and I worked out a deal where all 27 boxes of cookies would be donated to other people - under her supervision, I might add.

That night as I lay in bed I thought of some scripture verses.

"But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the LORD: and be sure your sin will find you out" (Numbers 32:23 KJV).

"He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight" (Psalms 101:7 KJV).

Caught in one lie may cause you to toss your cookies.

The Rev. James L. Snyder is pastor of the Family of God Fellowship located at 1471 Pine Road in Silver Springs Shores. He lives with his wife, Martha, in Silver Springs Shores and can be contacted by calling 687-4240. Rev. Snyder's new book, "Romance Around A Parsonage Fireplace," is now available. Call for details. His E-mail address is [email protected]. The Church website is www.whatafellowship.com

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