Christian Living

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Written 3-1-04

I once was afraid to cry. I was also afraid to be happy. As a result of once being a child subject to the emotional abuse of an alcoholic father, I came to believe that once I started crying, it would never end. Horrendously, I was also afraid of being happy because I believed it would be short-lived. I was caught in the midst of the fear of the power of emotions and a delusion connected with that fear.

When I was a non-believer, I hid from my emotions. I drank to hide from them. When things did not go my way, I escaped my disappointment with alcohol. Naturally this was my undoing. Relationships were destroyed because I would cut myself off emotionally from those I wanted in my life. I was afraid to let others see what they probably already knew. Since I had no basis for trust, being a non-believer, I refused to let others experience who I was. The whole idea of doing such a thing was a terrifying concept for me.

Once having been saved, I have learned that the Lord of my emotions is always in control. That the things I could feel was not my god. My weeping will not separate me from His Love, since this is one of many things He had created. In the process of the first two years as a believer, I learned to love to weep, even in repentance and brokenness, because I knew I had no where to go but up. All I need remember was that godly sorrow produces repentance, which is something I need not regret.

All things are of God. What is here, with the weeping, is at the least, allowed by Him. He knows His goodness and will use even the direst of emotions for good. All we need is to let Him come into our lives.

All emotions must be surrounded by the context of biblical truth. In Psalms it says, “Weeping may endure for a moment, but joy comes in the morning.” This was an encouragement to me to not be afraid of what may come once I started to feel such a powerful feeling. I knew that my life would not fall apart if I allowed myself to feel what was I was feeling. In time, I have learned to feel such things in a prayerful manner, being in the Lord’s presence and simply weep; pour out my heart before the Lord.

We may weep for no reason, if not supported by the Word of God. I find that by the Word of God alone, I can protect myself emotionally by being obedient. By the Spirit of God, I can grow to have more self-control and guard myself from becoming overly emotional. Even the saddest of emotions can come to an end. All I had to do was resign to the Lord who made me and my passions. One sign of spiritual immaturity is lack of control with emotions. With the reason of Biblical truth, I can assess what I feel and resign what is not of God. Freedom, for me, is found in loving the Lord with my entire mind. By reasoning with my mind, according to scripture, I have found how to discern what is real.

I learned also that what I did affected me emotionally. I could feel conviction, grief, or depression because of sin, or I could feel joy, knowing that I have obeyed the Lord. My emotions are often used as a way to bless me or teach me. And yet, as implied before, my emotions are my servant, not my god. I did not have to be ruled by what I felt. I could resist, or die, to self that I would live in the Lord.

We will weep in this world, because of grief and joy. And yet, one more time, we will weep as God keeps His promise to wipe the tears from our eyes. He allows weeping now and then, to make the joy of heaven all the more joyful, when that time comes. Let the Lord move you to tears, for He is working, both to will and to do, according to His good pleasure.

I chose to write this from the point of one of the most disdained emotions we could ever face. Yet I have very little trouble letting myself weep, and so any other emotion, as this is often how the Lord moves through my writing. I often allow myself to be moved with my closest friends, who are my accountability partners. I have no problem weeping in the front of them or in my congregation. I have seen that my emotions, to include weeping, are what the Lord often uses to make my life more real, more like life. One of my many freedoms in God was found in being me. Through this I have learned that my personality was not an offense to the Lord, as He made me who I am. I have come to see that I am allowed to be me and yet by His Word and Grace I am becoming a better me.

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