Gospel

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I will
keep
the Passover
at your
house
with
My
disciples.
[Matthew 26:18]
**********************
"I don't think
Leonardo...
was JEWISH,
LORD."

[SILENCE.]

(Laugh!)
"I don't mean..
the cute, young
BLOND guy from
'The Titanic',
I mean, the
OTHER one!"

[SILENCE.]
[LISTENING INTENTLY
TO MORE NEWS ABOUT
THE AMERICAN HEALTH
CARE BILL.]

"I saw that PICTURE,
again, tonight."

[NOD.]
[WATCHING THE
NEWS OVER ISRAEL.]

"Ya know:
that PAINTING?"

[NODDING.]
[GAZING OVER THE
SUNLIT HILLS AROUND
JERUSALEM.]
[DEEP IN THOUGHT.]

"The one about
the Last SUPPER!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"What of It,
My child."

(Loud, whiny,
screechy voice.)
"Are You LISTENING
to ME?"

[CALM NOD.]
[STARE AT A SANDY
HILL, ON THE NORTH
POLE OF MARS.]
"I hear every word,
My precious."

"So.....how COME,
he gave Him blond
HAIR and BLUE EYES?"

[CHUCKLE.]

"Heck, all those
DISCIPLES...
look like they came
outta some Greek
PLAY! NOT ONE'A
THEM LOOKED JEWISH!"

[GENTLE CHUCKLE
FROM THE RIGHT
SIDE OF THE THRONE.]

"And...WHY did
LEONARDO make them
all look so INTELLIGENT?
Heck, they NEVER understood
those PARABLES!"
(Laugh!)
"And, JESUS practically
POINTED OUT...at
the Seder TABLE...
who,
the BAD GUY WAS!
What CHAMOOLES*,
they were!
DUMPKOPS: ALL
of them!"

[LAUGHTER FILLS
THE THRONE ROOM.]

(Laughing.)
"And....didn't
DaVINCI know
anything, about
a Passover SEDER?"

"It is painting,
My most precious."

(Blow a raspberry
up at the ceiling.)
"The guy should'a
done his HOMEWORK!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
[PUT UP ONE HAND,
TO HALT THE ENTRANCE
OF A SPECTACULAR-LOOKING
ANGEL WHO IS ABOUT
TO STEP OVER THE
DOORWAY OF THE
THRONE ROOM.]
"Yes,
My beloved."
[THE ANGEL, A BEAUTIFUL
CREATURE, COMING IN
FROM THE NORTH OVER
ISRAEL, IS CARRYING
A SPECIAL MESSAGE
ON A HEAVY PLATE
MADE OF PURE GOLD.
THE ANGEL, NEITHER
UPSET NOR DISMAYED
AT BEING STAYED,
MERELY OBEYS,
GRACEFULLY,
IN CALM, PEACEFUL REPOSE.]
[NOD.]
"Go on."

"At the PASSOVER...
y'ur all supposed to
be SLOUCHING! It's
part 'a the CELEBRATION!"
(Squint, curiously up
at the ceiling.)
"Don't Ya REMEMBER?
The SLOUCHING represents
the FREEDOM FROM
SLAVERY from EGYPT!"

"Yes,
My child."
[LOOK OVER TO
HIS RIGHT.]
[SMILE.]
"I remember."

(Laugh!)
"And....what's this,
hardly any...FOOD..
at the TABLE:
AT A JEWISH CELEBRATION?
Was DaVinci,
KIDDING?"
(Snort with laughter.)
"In a REALISTIC painting...
nobody would be able to
see the white TABLECLOTH!
There would be too much FOOD!"

[NODDING.]
"Go on,
My precious."

"Heck, those PASSOVER
DINNERS take HOURS!"
(Laugh!)
"...Just, to EAT all that
STUFF!"

[SMILE!]

"And, what about
those TALL, STRAIGHT CHAIRS?
And....that big, high TABLE?"
(Laugh!)
"What was DaVinci:
MESHU'GUN'NAH**?
They were in the first
CENTURY! In the Middle
EAST! They were probably
sitttin' around on the FLOOR!
On big PILLOWS!
Around...a long, low TABLE!
WITH ALL THE FOOD,
AND WINE-HOLDERS..
IN THE MIDDLE!"
(Shout, irritably.)
"And....where was the
empty CHAIR? THE
ONE FOR ELIJAH?
EVERYBODY KNOWS...
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
HAVE AN EMPTY CHAIR
AT THE SEDER TABLE:
FOR ELIJAH!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"It is a mere
painting,
My child."

"Well, WHY didn't
You give him...some
POINTERS?"

[BECKON IN THE
BEAUTIFUL CREATURE,
JUST ARRIVING FROM
ISRAEL: THE ONE CARRYING
THE REALLY BIG,
HEAVY GOLDEN PLATE.]
[PATIENT NODDING.]
"Who,
child?"

"DAVINCI!"
(Impatient squirm.)
"HE MAKES EVERYBODY
LOOK SO....GOY'ISKAH***!"
(Frown up at the
ceiling.)
"Why didn't Ya
have a JEW,
PAINT IT?"

[TURN TO THE THRONE
TO HIS RIGHT.]
[MURMUR SOMETHING,
GRUFFLY.]
[SHAKE HEAD,
IN CONSTERNATION.]
[GENTLE MURMURING
FROM THE THRONE
TO THE RIGHT.]
[MORE GRUFF MURMURING,
IN RESPONSE.]

"And, why do they
look so STIFF?"
(Laughing.)
"THAT'S not what
people look like...
at the PASSOVER!
Everybody's laughing,
and TALKING! And..
EATING! And,
DRINKING!"
(Stare up at the
ceiling.)
"And, talking,
and EATING!
And...SINGING!
And, TALKING,
and KIBBITZING****!"
(Yell to the ceiling plaster.)
"And, EATING!"

"I know,
My precious."

"HOW?"

"Because,
I was
There."
*********************
And
when evening
had come,
He sat
down
with
the
twelve.
[Matthew 26:20]

____________________
*Yiddish: 'donkey',
'numbskull'.
**Yiddish: 'crazy';
'missing a marble'.
***Yiddish: 'Gentile',
'non-Jewish'.
****Yiddish: 'Gossip',
'joke around', 'chit-
chat between intimate
friends.'

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