Faith
I have long been thinking about getting my heart back in church. It has always been with God, He has shown himself in my life too many times for me to ignore or rationalize Him out. But the past few months He has been knocking, no...pounding at my heart's door via my friends and some family members and His voice has been in my head just telling me to come back to church and surround myself with the things (so to speak) that matter. So finally, last Sunday I was at the computer and noticed the time and thought to myself, I can make it to the 11am service I have plenty of time. So I did. I invited Kenny but he declined, I hadnt given him enough notice....or maybe he just hasn't been moved yet. But I squeazed Ava into a 6 month dress (surprisingly I didnt let THAT become and excuse why I couldnt go) and her and I went on to Port City Community Church. I got there early enough to check her in to their amazing childrens center called the Grow Zone and I took my seat beside a stranger in the auditorium. The service that Sunday was directed toward Jumping In in your church and getting involed but there was a message...it was that everyone has a different walk with Christ but each person can illuminate their walk by various things. I left feeling good, proud even, of myself for finally going and I was secretly praying to myself that I could manage to come back next Sunday, with or without Kenny. So the weekend rolled around...Ava's first birthday party took up MOST of my energy on Saturday and I collapsed while watching a movie with Kenny and I NEVER fall asleep watching TV. Then Sunday morning rolled around and Ava woke me up at 7am. Normally I can stall her until 7:30 but this morning the voice in my head was louder and said just get up now...you need all the time you can get to make it to the 9am service and if you want Kenny to go, you better get up. So I did. I miraculously found something to wear...THAT FIT...for the second time and was blessed to have a BUNCH of pretty dresses for Ava to wear curtousy of her Nanna and Papa for her birthday. So off we went again...without Kenny...to Porty City Community Church. (Kenny was actually going to try to go but I could see all the things he had to do that day were in his head and he kept saying he would go but once he got home he would have so many things to do that I'd probably not see him the rest of the day....I told him not to go because I was forcing him and if all he was gonna do was worry about stuff the whole time he was there then to just stay home so I could concentrate on the message and not how uncomfortable he was. I wasn't mad, just sad. I just want him to WANT to go. And I don't want church to be this thing that just interrupts his day. So I will keep praying for him.)
So after Ava was checked in I met my friend Liz (who has been instrumental in helping me come back to church) and we sat together in service. The minute the Pastor starting talking I knew God had carried me to this service himself because the topic was WORRY. And boy do I worry..all the time about everything. I even watched the movie 2012 and that along with all the earthquakes we have been having these last few months had my mind spinning and me terrified, seriously. I think I get it from my parents because my Dad is a worrier and my Mom seems to have a fear of natural disaster type things so I came by it honestly. But the Pastor restored in me something I already knew. And its best explained by of course, The Bible. Matthew 6:25-27 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" AND Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
As I sat there watching him illustrate his point by carrying a HUGE Earth ball around in his hands that was blocking his view (which in turn means worry blocks out our view of God) I was thinking you know he is so right! Carring about something and worrying are TWO totally different things. If you care about something you pray about it you dont rack your brain and body trying to "solve" it or rationalize it yourself, because its not yours to do that, its God's, its ALL God's, we are God's and he is in control so why worry? If you worry you are discrediting Him. Yes its hard for some people to feel out of control and that is what causes worry but who better to have driving your bus than God? We should all view uncertainty as OPPORTUNITY...for something better. Uncertainty does not always mean doom and gloom but for some reason so many people see it that way. I understand worry more now than ever because of Ava. Now I know how my Daddy felt all those times he asked me to call when I got there or when I had a fever or fell or didn't come home before dark and he had to call for me through the neighborhood (knowing him he probably thought I had been kidnapped, seriously). But to worry is to make God irrelevent. And He is not, He is the most, should be the most, REVELENT thing in our lives. I am praying to God that Ava will be a happy healthy baby, then little girl then young lady then mother herself one day and that I can do her justice and raise her to be a good person and a person to love other people and be compassionate and carring and thoughtful. I know she will find her own way in life and I have promised to support her no matter what, like God supports us. So I will not worry, I will PRAY and TRUST GOD. A song came on the radio on the way to church and it struck Ava so much she starts dancing in her car seat...the words went something like this "Walk on Faith, Trust in Love" (its a country/christian mix I believe) and that song struck a cord in me too, it was played just for me to get my head and heart in the right place to recieve the message God had for me that day. And thank the LORD above it has carried over into today...because I woke up to news that yet another earthquake has hit in Turkey....in my "need to know why, need a logical reason" brain (which I also got from my father) all these earthquakes are connected (I even researched tectonic plates and earthquakes). That sparks the impulse to worry but I have to talk myself down and let God takeover me and reasure me that even if they are connected...and even if something does happen...its in HIS control and He will take care of me and my world because He does have the whole world in his hands. So my attitude (attitude is everything) is that we only have each day, in itself, and we should embrace every single second, not because of worry, but because its life...it IS what life is about. By embracing your life, you can appreciate it and give thanks to God and He will inspire you to do His work and share His love. So now I am going to share this beautiful day with my precious little girl and one of my very best friends who is in town. And I want everyone to remember..."uncertainty can mean opportunity."
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