Healing

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"The Freedom of Forgiveness"
How forgiveness heals the wounded heart

By Jacob M. Rodriguez

Of all life’s challenging issues, forgiveness is one that lingers in society’s shadow. Often misunderstood and seldom afforded with value, the issue seems more unpopular than ever. Forgiveness for many is like an old book – layered with dust and rarely opened. Sure, you know it exists, but its importance is outdated to say the least. In a world where personal vengeance is heroic and utter hatred is showcased on TV talk shows, to forgive seems a bit weak. Whether in the locker room or the ladies room, stories of payback and revenge deem much more entertaining then those of forgiveness and reconciliation. From the media to our homes, getting even or “settling the score” are what people use to resolve their inner conflict. Understandably, there are many who have valid reasons to seek revenge, but can revenge truly heal a hurting heart? Can living with an unforgiving heart give you real peace? According to the Bible – our living compass, forgiveness is the only way to experience freedom from hurts caused by someone else. This article is about how forgiveness heals the wounded heart.

Forgiveness is tough, but living with an unforgiving heart is even tougher. Each of us carries our own experiences of pain and bliss. Each of us has encountered the sword of people’s words or actions. No matter where we live or who we are, we have all been pierced to some degree. If you have lived life long enough, somebody has misused, betrayed, beguiled or hurt you. The probability and plight of victimization is without debate. We all at some time or another will face trouble and struggle. Whether you were rudely cut-off while in the grind of rush hour traffic, secretly betrayed by a close friend or previously abandoned by a parent; the issue of forgiveness will confront you. While these examples differ, forgiving someone for their offense remains a clear Biblical principle.

Not to make light of minor offenses, however my concern is with those who chronically harbor the severe faults and offenses against the people who caused it. No doubt, the hearts of many have become a haven of resentment, bitterness and fear. The unforgiving heart will take memories hostage and spend a lifetime trying to sort through it all. They conceal their hurts and fabricate their true feelings. They present their strengths, front their happiness, but hidden beneath the mask – lies a heart in ruin. Unable to face their anger and confront their embittered issues, unforgiveness will cause much distress. It will leak like poison; polluting the heart and mind. Forgiveness is perhaps one of the most difficult issues to tackle in ones heart. Not because it is impossible or irrational, but because afflicted people have every reason to loathe their offender. And by not forgiving, it releases a temporal feeling of peace. It gives the wounded heart a taste of satisfaction and contentment. The person thinks to him or herself that by not forgiving, they prove their strength and ability to move on.

Forgiveness is a choice. Depending on how you choose can affect the rest of your life. I’ve personally encountered many people who have been burdened with an unforgiving heart; a heart that says, “I just can’t forgive him for what he did – I just can’t let it go.” Some people feel the obligation to remain unforgiving, because forgiving to many is a sign of weakness. They view forgiveness as an agreement or settlement. But according to the teachings of Christ, forgiveness is not a truce as much as it is a pardon. You’re not agreeing; you’re releasing. Truthfully, forgiving is not for your offender’s benefit, but for yours. Forgiveness is God’s concern for the offended one. It doesn’t mean that those who hurt you are off the hook, it just means that they are no longer your problems to deal with. The battle belongs to the Lord. Vengeance is His, not ours. This is a good reason as to why the Apostle Peter said, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you.” The reason why unforgiveness is unhealthy and weighs heavily on ones heart, is because the burden of infirmity was never meant for us to carry. When we live our lives shouldering the pain of the past, it’s spiritually unnatural. We, as human clay are not built with the capacity to foster infirmities. Our minds can’t take it and our hearts can’t hold it; we are simply unfit for such spiritual heaviness.

No wonder Jesus’ invitation to humanity was presented as, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Jesus Christ knows that we’re not capable of bearing the weight of life’s burdens. When it comes to the weight of past hurts and offenses, they will suffocate your joy and peace. Forgiveness is God’s solution for the scared soul; the soul that collects its abuses and never lets them go. Bearing the cares of humanity is God’s mastery. He specializes in taking our infirmities upon Himself. It is not wise to keep what belongs to God. He only wants to release you from being a victim.

A very important fact to understand is that forgiveness releases you from the role of a victim. The idea of holding your offender hostage in your mind is actually a thwarted concept. The reality is; you are held hostage, not by your offender, but by your own emotions. Unforgiveness generates many destructive emotions; bitterness, anger, hatred, fear, resentment and many others. Emotions are what imprison you. The adversary knows this too. That’s why he manipulates our feelings and suggests ideas that draw us further from forgiveness. He knows that if we insist on revenge or simply resist forgiveness, we’ll be captive to our own demise. As long as one remains unforgiving, he or she will remain the victim. And as long as one remains a victim, their life will trail the path of limitation. Victims, like slaves – can only move where their chain permits. No matter the height of your potential, being a slave will hinder you. The law of limitation holds its ground against those who are held hostage. Behold! The key to freedom is in your hand.

Consider also; separation from the source of heartache doesn’t always bring closure. Just because your abuser moved away or died, you can still be haunted by what happened to you. There are many who have had someone constantly make fun of their appearance; such as weight. Well, even though that person died or moved way, the victim still feels ugly and fat. People think that you are over it, your family thinks it’s funny, your friend’s don’t bring it up and all the while you are still holding yourself hostage. Friend, the only way to live is to let it go. If you want peace in your life, forgive. Forgiveness offers us the chance to release the ownership of our hurts. It is a chance to release the title deed of regret and pain. I like how the Apostle Paul worded the principle of forgiveness, “You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” If we choose to live with an unforgiving heart, our lives will be plagued and flooded with three harmful issues.

Bitterness
The Apostle Paul declared, “Look after each other so that none of you will miss out on the special favor of God. Watch out that no bitter root of unbelief rises up among you, for whenever it springs up, many are corrupted by its poison.” Bitterness is ugly and without forgiveness we will surely be infected with it. Bitterness is painful and it sucks the sweetness out of life. It causes men and women to become emotionally callous and vengeful. I have personally experienced bitterness in my past and I know that it is something that eats away at your heart. In my early youth, bitterness made me hateful and deceptive, while pretending that I was fine. But, I knew deep inside that I was really hiding my feelings. At one point, my bitterness started to aim at people who did not even contribute to my condition. That is when I knew that something needed to change in my heart. I thank God that He delivered me from bitterness, but my deliverance only came when I started to forgive myself. The beginning of my forgiveness marked the ending of my bitterness. I truly believe that it will do the same for you.

Blame
“He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends.” Don’t repeat the matter anymore. A blameful heart is one that can never find true rest and never deal with realities. Blame works in the same way as bitterness. These destructive emotions cause vicious cycles of pain and sorrow. Although it feels – for a moment – that emotional progress is being made, it eventually causes the heart to sink deeper. Blaming is an inner defense that never solves the problem. In order to escape the blame-game, we must forgive. It does not matter how right we are about our feelings and motives, forgiveness is still the only way to overcome pain that was caused by somebody else.

Bondage
An unforgiving heart is the cause of the victim mentality. As expressed before, this mentality is what binds people to their victimizer. It’s spiritual incarceration. This issue causes people to feel shameful and responsible for their hurts. They feel tied to the actions against them and they usually take ownership of them. There are thousands of men and women who feel that they are forever captive. They feel that no matter what they do, their destiny and potential are cursed by their past. Many also feel that by not forgiving, they are proving to their past that they are tough and well able to survive. Sadly to say, the only thing that is proven is that nothing will replace the power of forgiveness. To forgive is not to show that you are weak, it is to show that through Christ you are strong. “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Perhaps you have every right to be angry and unforgiving. Your position is valid. Your feelings don’t lie. Perhaps you feel like forgiving is giving in or giving up. Those who hold back forgiveness usually have an understandable reason. Thus, your motive is not debated. But, beyond the grounds of your grudge, unforgiveness will never bring you lasting joy.

Forgiveness is like peroxide, it’s painful when you apply it, but it will clean out deadly bacteria, save you from infections and aid your recovery. To forgive is not easy. It goes against what you feel is right. Nevertheless, the Bible is clear on this subject. For without forgiveness, where would you and I be? God himself had every right, reason and motive to punish the human race. Our stain of sin was reason enough. The condition of humanity was without argue or appeal. There was no deliberation to convince the Great Judge. He simply forgave us. He pardoned our offense. And let me remind you; His act of forgiveness was nothing short of painful. If God couldn’t live with unforgiveness, neither can we.




1 Peter 5:7 New Living Translation © Tyndale House Publishers
Matthew 11:29-30 New King James Version © Thomas Nelson, Inc.
Colossians 3:13 New Living Translation © Tyndale House Publishers
Hebrews 12:15 New Living Translation © Tyndale House Publishers
Proverbs 17:9 New King James Version © Thomas Nelson, Inc.
2 Corinthians 12:9 King James Version © Thomas Nelson, Inc.

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