Marriage

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Think of this: to have spiritual and physical intimacy with someone . . . to feel the heart beat of that person's soul . . . to know that person's thoughts . . . even afar off. MARRIAGE . . . it is likened to the mystical union of Christ and the church.

I would like to touch on the subject of marriage and the finding of your future mate from a completely new perspective—God's. It is clear to me from the divorce rate among believers (never mind the world's) that Christians have somehow missed the mark of God's original intention for this glorious union that we call marriage.

And little wonder. Bombarded constantly by Hollywood's version of matrimony, unwary believers have come to view this holy wedlock as a sort of "as long as our love shall last" type of union. And in some cases, that "love" lasts only as long as the weekend. I actually heard of such a couple—they were married on Saturday—and divorced by Monday. Yikes!!

What I'm about to share comes from a painful experience in my own life. This experience ultimately led me back to the Word of God to discover where I had gone astray. For I was married twenty-one years . . . the loneliest years of my life. And though the legal document, which held our signatures and that of two witnesses, said we were married . . . the truth is . . . we never were—not by any stretch of the imagination. I had a check in my spirit six months before the wedding that I was making a mistake. There was an inner knowing that GOD HAD NOT joined us together. I ignored the warning and married anyways. I thought at my age I might never get another chance. Besides, I wanted to be able to have sex legally in God's eyes.

For you see, I was motivated by lust, not love. Indeed, I did not even know what love was. I had the worldly view of love: guy sees girl; guy gets physical with girl; guy marries girl; then guy finds out girl's name. I married a stranger . . . and she remained so until her last breath in July/08. I did not know her and she did not know me. Had I taken the time to get to know her, I would have discovered that we did not belong together—that God was not joining us. But my flesh ruled in my life and not the Holy Spirit. And consequently, I made wrong choices.

After my wife passed away, I joined a Christian dating site on the internet. It was here that God began to open my understanding to something that I had never thought about before—that God wanted to be involved in the choosing of my mate. This is one area that I had struggled with. Does God really care who you choose? Is it simply finding any believer and making the marriage work? Or is there something more?

There are countless books out there by authors giving advice on how to make your troubled marriage work. And there are marriage seminars that one can participate in to achieve the same purpose. However, if the foundation was weak upon which one built their marriage in the first place, then major problems will arise. And that foundation starts with who chooses your mate: you or God? For I was drawn to the words of Jesus when He said, "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:6b).

This scripture tells me that it's not always God that joins two people together. The lust of the flesh, loneliness, out of wedlock pregnancy, financial security, it's expected of you, parental pressure, the desire to have children, and desperation due to "old maid" syndrome, has probably joined more people together in marriage than God has. If the "glue" that originally joined you to your spouse is faulty, then it's no surprise if the relationship has come apart.

"And a three fold cord is not quickly broken" (Ecclesiastes 4:12b). You, your spouse, and God make a powerful union in a marriage. But take God out and replace Him with one of the other reasons for getting married listed above (such as out of wedlock pregnancy or lust), and that rope soon becomes unraveled.

In order to get a better understanding of God's plan for marriage I went back to the beginning—to Genesis . . . where God made Adam. This man was complete and perfect in every way. Yet it was God who said, "It is not good that man should be alone" (Genesis 2:18a). This was not Adam's idea. It was God's. You see God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what we need. That's why we should leave the choosing of our future mate to Him.

It was God who put Adam into a deep sleep, took his rib and created Eve. Notice Adam was sleeping when God was preparing him a wife. God was at work behind the scenes even though Adam was unaware. And also note that Eve was NOT just any old lump of clay that God found lying around. She was formed right out of Adam's rib . . . she was a part of him. And Adam was now missing a rib. The once perfect man is now INCOMPLETE, and can only be a complete man when he is joined to the specific person that has his "rib." This is an important point: to be joined to someone who does not have your "rib" is to be joined to a stranger.

God could have created several women for Adam, thus giving us the impression anyone will do. Yet God made only one. Eve was the ONLY one that fit perfectly for Adam. Why? Because she was formed from Adam's rib. She was the ONLY one who could make Adam into a complete man.

And finally, observe in Genesis 2:22 that it was GOD who BROUGHT the woman to the man. From beginning to end, it was all God's doing, not man's. It is clear from the Genesis account of the first marriage that God was intimately involved in the whole process, including picking Adam's wife.

And where I and so many other believers have messed up, is that we impatiently jumped into a marriage out of loneliness, the lust of the flesh, or whatever, and realized only later we were never really in love with this person. The "glue" that joined us was faulty.

Had we got to KNOW each other in the first place, we would have discovered that we don't belong together . . . that she does not have my "rib" . . . that God is not joining us. But who can hear God when your flesh is so turned on and all you think about is how to satisfy your flesh when you are with her.

So ultimately, it is the flesh that is joining the two together, not God. So now they get married because they are burning in their flesh and they want to be able to satisfy those desires. The guy's motivation for getting married is the flesh—he's not listening to God. So how is it that people say God joined them together when God had nothing to do with their relationship in the first place.

I attended a hurriedly called wedding recently in which a very young 17-year-old boy was getting married to his noticeably pregnant girlfriend. The embarrassed faces that were visible on the parents of the newlyweds said it all. This rushed wedding could not in any way cover up the shame they felt. I was grieved. For it was obvious that it was the parents who quickly arranged this wedding to hide their own embarrassment. But I had to wonder, was God in the joining? What "glue" brought these two together . . . out of wedlock pregnancy? The couple's parents?

That brings me back to the original scripture, "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:6b). If our heart is to please God in finding the right mate, then we should seek His face constantly in any relationship. We should seek to please HIM and not ourselves when we are dating someone. We should HONOUR GOD ALWAYS in the way we CONDUCT ourselves around that person that we find so attractive. Why? So that we can hear God's voice if this is the CHOSEN ONE or not. As long as we are CATERING TO OUR FLESH, we can't hear God. And that's how we get into trouble and wind up marrying someone that was never intended to be.

There is someone special that is created by God to COMPLETE me. Not just any woman will do . . . I am looking for my "rib." And I pray that I will have the patience and discipline to wait for God's chosen one.

Case in point: I've just recently had a wonderful relationship with a beautiful Christian lady on the dating site. We devoted ourselves exclusively to each other for a time to see if God was bringing us together. And the wonderful thing about this relationship is that we both purposed to honor God at all times. The flesh was kept in check. And because we honored Him, we both sensed that God was not leading us into anything deeper than friendship at this time. This is the beauty of letting God do the choosing of finding your mate. He will let you know, and you will have no regrets.

There is one more important point that I need to add here. LOVE is a CHOICE. Even after God joins you to the right person, you still have to make a choice to love unconditionally—to die to your selfish desires. I thought the magic in a happy marriage was simply finding my missing "rib." I was wrong . . . it's only the beginning. The magic is whether you are willing to love your "rib" unconditionally: for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. Finding God's choice is only the beginning. Loving God's choice is the challenge.

Here is a little tidbit the Lord gave me recently which was a great encouragement to my heart. Why wait for God's choice? Because "Every GOOD gift and every PERFECT gift is from ABOVE" (James 1:17a [emphasis mine]). Sometimes we settle for less and pay the consequences.

Blessings to all of you in Christ Jesus,
Paul Janz

(All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version.)

"What God Has Joined Together" Copyright © 2010 by Paul Janz.

Paul Janz is a mature aspiring author whose writings are based on personal experiences and issues that the Lord has laid on his heart. His wit, humor, maturity, and ability to tell a good story make him an ideal writer for any Christian magazine.

Contact him directly through his website: Heaven Inspired Movies

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