Marriage

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The institution of marriage is a covenant not only between man and woman, but with God himself, and the rules and bylaws he has set forth. Both men and women joyfully and willingly enter into this sacred bond with the intention of forming a family that honors and pleases God with their commitment. For the marriage to sanctified in the eyes of God, both parties must assume the roles and responsibilities that are defied throughout the Bible.

The bible is full of references to a hierarchical order of all living things; from the animals that scurry across the ground, to the birds in the air, as well as every man, woman and child. From the book of Genesis through the book of Revelation God defines our roles in society, in religion, and in our homes. There are instances of divine laws, as well as natural laws that are laid out and explained both directly and indirectly (through parables).

Perhaps, the most controversial and perplexing of these relationships is that between husband & wife. The book of genesis states that woman was created to be a helper (helpmeet / helpmate). It also states “she will desire to rule over her husband, but he will rule over her”. The Book of Ephesians calls husbands and wives to “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”. It further writes that “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior… Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything…Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother.”

These passages clearly define a hierarchy within the home and within a biblical family:
• All are accountable to God.
• A man is accountable for himself, his wife and their children.
• A woman is accountable for herself and their children.
• Children are accountable for themselves, and for honoring their father and their mother.

However, it is the context in which the phase “submission” is used that leads to a split in the minds of many believers. Submission, by definition, means “to voluntarily yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another” Just as we are called to submit (or surrender) our lives to the Lord when we are born again, Christ calls women to submit to their husbands in the same manner. This is a show of faith in the spiritual leader of the household. A woman that agrees to marry a man agrees to enter the protection of his household, pledges that she believes her husband will always have her and her children’s best interests at heart, and agrees to acknowledge and respect the appointment of her husband as the representative of his family before the Lord. This is not a surrendering of rights, but an acceptance of roles within the family unit.

As for the husband, along with the acceptance of the rights laid out for the role as the head of his household, a husband also accepts all of the responsibilities that go along with it. Husbands are called to provide their wives with the same type of sacrificial love that Jesus had for the church. The book of Ephesians also tells us “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband”. It is a Love/Respect relationship that defines marriage, and the type of relationship that must exist between a husband and wife, to be pleasing unto the Lord.

For those that doubt the concept of mutual submission, there are far too many references to the bride and bridegroom and what their duties and responsibilities are to one another are. The Bible refers to Jesus as the bridegroom and the church as the bride. This reference is repeated throughout the Bible for good reason; it is vital that both the church and the family be modeled according to the design God has detailed in his plans for both.

The Bible calls a man and woman to submit to one another, and states that a man should do this as Jesus did for his church. Then by parallel standards, husbands are called to freely sacrifice all they are and all they have; that is their very life, to ensure the safety and well being of his wife and family. That is what Jesus did for his church. Jesus strengthened, and supported the growth and development of the church with an unwavering and unconditional love. He did not stifle the church’s growth or force it to bring glory and honor to himself. He empowered the church and lead it by His example of a modest and humble life of service and sacrifice that is pleasing to God.

For women, this means to honor and respect their husbands, to support them and follow them, and to show them the same sacrificial love that their husband first shows them. Jesus knew and loved the church before it even existed. Jesus entered the bride / bridegroom relationship fully knowing what his commitment and sacrifice would be and what it would ultimately cost him. If a woman chooses her husband correctly, and God blesses the union, she should be able to expect (and experience) this same level of commitment and sacrifice from her husband on a daily basis.

The book of Proverbs Chapter 31 describes the ideal bride:
(11) Her husband has full confidence in her... (25) She is clothed with strength and dignity... (26) She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue... (28) Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her... (30) Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate...

Women, if this was written to describe your relationship with your husband, and this is a relationship God considers as "submission" by a wife, why would you ever have a problem with God calling you to submit to your husband? In the grand design of marriage, God’s plan for us all is for a husband and wife to both be committed to putting the other one first in love. A wife is to think of her husband's needs first, and a husband is to do the same, and model Christ's sacrificial love by serving his wife. Jesus served the church just as much as the church served him.

-Bill Whitaker - January 2010

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