Christian Living

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Loneliness: something I struggle with, as I'm sure many do.

I often want to attribute this to my being unmarried, until I hear how even married people can see themselves as lonely. (Notice how I did not use the word "feel".) I then recall when I have been in a romantic relationship, even awesome ones, where I still felt lonely.

At those times I saw myself as:
unheard,
misunderstood,
unsupported,
opposed,
alien.

The interesting thing about that experience is that my partner in the relationship was not necessarily being difficult. They were just being themselves. There was not always disrespect or lack of love on their part. There were many times I was not being uncooperative, but even attempting to be helpful, that I felt lonely in those relationships, so even when things were right, I felt lonely.

My summation: loneliness is simply part of the human condition.

Please understand that I am only talking about my life now as a Christian. I feel these things knowing full well the Holy Spirit is dwelling within me. I often feel lonely with Him, obviously through no fault on His part, because He and I are unlike each other in many respects.

That's not a complaint. I am simply acknowledging something as relevant as well as true.

I believe we often try to find ways to quell these waves of loneliness. We often try to do such by achievements and the gaining of material things. I am sure many of us would agree that those pursuits fail miserably for us.

I tend to see the condition of loneliness as a persistent thing, regardless of our spiritual stance with the Lord. However, with the Lord, that condition (or its perspective for us) can change because of our relationship with the Lord.

So what am I saying? Loneliness will be a reoccurring experience. The solution is to not stopping the "feeling" or condition of loneliness, but to see it differently. To quote an oft-used scripture:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren." - Romans 8:28-29

So how does Jesus fit into this? Let's look at the loneliness of God.

Jesus lived through the human experience. Hebrews tells us He was tempted as we are, that He suffered (endured) what we endure. He knows what it is like to be like this writer. What was probably His loneliest time on earth was on the cross, not long after His second loneliest time in the Garden.

Look at what He endured:

He was "unheard". There were many times He mentioned that He would die only to rise again. When one reads the Gospels it seems He mentioned it many times, as if He was aware the disciples were not listening. Then when we read their response, or lack of it, it seems He was right to repeat Himself. Many times Jesus was not heard, even by those closest to Him.

Tying in with that was the apparent fact that He was "misunderstood". That may have been part of the reason for a lack of response on the part of the twelve. One of them at one time asked Jesus what His parables meant. It seemed the practice of the twelve to talk among themselves as an attempt to try to understand many of the things Jesus was teaching because Jesus asks them (John 16:16-19). Jesus was misunderstood.

Jesus was "unsupported". There are many accounts where it appears Jesus had no support from His disciples. They regularly stood in silence while He said and did many controversial things. Not one of them made a supportive comment to His statement saying He could forgive sins. There is no record of Peter or the others making a statement of agreement with Him when He spoke to the Pharisees. They were silent and unsupportive.

Jesus was "opposed". We have the well-known account of Peter rebuking Jesus when He referred to His death, saying he would not allow such a thing. Jesus compared his rebuke to that of Satan, of it being contrary to the mind of God. Jesus was opposed.

Jesus felt like an "alien". Even among His own, the Lord must have felt totally unlike them, even in His humanity. After all, He was God. There must have always been a sense of unlikeness and separation between Him and His disciples as a result of His experiences with those most intimate with Him.

Being the only One who could save the world, no one could help Him. Even while being empowered with His divine nature, He probably still felt lonely in His unique mission. All the twelve could do was simply watch, horrified, mystified and amazed. They could do nothing on that level. Then in their own ability they did nothing. They did not even pray with or for Him. When He asked for their company, they eventually fell asleep. That had to make Him feel lonely on a human level.

Jesus: God, Son of God, the Anointed One, the Creator as well as Savior of the world, was and felt lonely. Because of the fact He was divine, that feeling was a gulf of eternity.

Hear the words of a lonely Man: "My God, My God! Why have You forsaken Me!"

But there is a difference between His experience with loneliness and with ours. Ours is incidental.

His was willful.

It is like the case of the fireman. When we see on the news about a burning building we see the inhabitants running from the fire. But there are a few, firemen, who run into the fire.

While we are trying to run from the fire of loneliness, Jesus ran in.

Loneliness will always be here in this world. What can change is the way we see it, to the point where we are not overcome by it. In fact, we can overcome it while still feeling lonely.

Referring back to the verse from Romans 8, we are faced with a challenge: to be like Jesus, which includes what He endured, even the loneliness. As God and Man, He faced His loneliness, even confessing it to His friends. He even asked for company, probably knowing all too well what His friends would do. He endured it as part of His Father's plan. He knew that even with His submission to the Father He would still have to face what we face. Righteousness and holiness will not stop the loneliness. That will often be the reason behind feeling lonely.

One of the things I like to think about is how love can make the lover want to be like the loved one. Goethe the philosopher said we are fashioned by what we love. Christianity is about being like Christ, as the follower is motivated by his love for his Lord. If I love Jesus, I would want to be like Him.

With Jesus it is no different. He loves us so much He wanted to be like us, human and lonely.

Think about that when you feel like He did. Another verse to ponder:

"But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead." - Philippians 3:7-11

What may I want to gain? It could be the drive to be relieved or escape from loneliness. Maybe I should consider the pursuit "loss for Christ". There is obviously nothing wrong with having a special companion, but it may be a hindrance to hang onto the drive to escape loneliness.

What is excellent over that pursuit/drive? "the knowledge of Christ".

What will that mean? It means I will have "the loss of all things," to "count them as rubbish".

What is a factor of having the knowledge of Christ? Experiencing what He experienced, loneliness to name one.

Will it be worth it? "I may attain to the resurrection from the dead."

That is where His loneliness, and ours, fits.

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