Short Stories

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And,
as He spoke,
a certain Pharisee
asked Him
to dine with him.
So He went in
and sat down
to eat.
[Luke 11:37]
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(A Pharisee is sitting
in the town square,
frowning, and squinting,
beady-eyed, at the passing
crowd. Most people think
he is squinting with
suspiciousness,
and meanness;
Pharisee Plotz'ee, however,
is also very near-sighted.
Another Pharisee,
Pharisee Fart'zee, walks
over, with great aplomb,
and seats himself, rather
regally. Every few moments,
he raises his hand, just a
few inches or more, and
nods to a passing member
of the synagogue. Surveying
the crowded street,
he begins conversing with his old
friend, never taking his
sharp eyes off the passing
townsfolk.)
_________________
"So?
What HAPPENED.....
last evening,
my FRIEND?"

(Squinty-eyed frown!)
(Trying, vainly,
not to rub one
of his aching feet,
Plot'zee grimmaces.
Under his long, colorful robe,
Plot'zee has nudged off
one of his expensive leather
sandals.)
"Ah, YES!
The supper, which you
failed to ATTEND!"

(Nod to a passing neighbor.)
(Thin-lipped frown.)
"I told you, Plot'zee,
I had to attend my
nephew's child's Bris*!
He is my only nephew;
my dead sister's child:
may she rest in peace!"

(Nod.)
(Put one hand up,
toward the sky.)
(Squinty-eyed frown.)
"May she rest in peace!"

(Nodding.)

(Nodding.)

"So?"
(Polite nod to another
passing member of the
synagogue.)
"What happened,
last NIGHT?
Did He COME?"

(Squinty-eyed frown.)
(Stretching the bare
foot, achingly, under
his long, brightly colored robe.)
(Sighing)
(Nodding.)
"Yes.....yes,
He DID come!
Although, frankly,
Fart'zee,
I only wish that He..
HADN'T!"

(Pharisee Fart'zee
finally turns his proud
head, towards his old friend.
His sharp eyes show a
mixture of curiosity,
and surprise.)
"Why do you say this,
Plot'zee? I thought,
this had been.. what
you WANTED?"

(Squinty-eyed frown.)
(Sigh.)
"Yes.....yes!
Yes, of COURSE,
I had! But....."
(Sigh.)
"Afterwards...
I wished that,
He had never shown UP!
That, He had gotten
DETAINED, in one of
His LECTURES!
Or, HEALING ceremonies!
Or......!"
(Derisive snort.)

(Pharisee Fart'zee,
now, is genuinely concerned;
his sharp eyes quickly
survey the passing crowd,
before he speaks, once
more.)
"WHY?
SO?
What,
HAPPENED?"

(Plot'zee whispers,
keeping eyes on
the passing crowd.)
"He INSULTED me!
In...my own HOUSE!
I'm GLAD,
you weren't there,
my FRIEND!
I was never...
so, EMBARRASSED!"

(Spit on the ground.)
"You should have
THROWN Him,
OUT!"

(Slight nod,
to a passing neighbor.)
(Very slight raise,
of a long, thin hand,
in greeting.)
(Whisper.)
"I COULDN'T,
Fart'zee!
Not, in front of
the OTHERS!
Ech!
And....He insulted
them, TOO!"

(Pharisee Fart'zee
shakes his covered
head, and leans
toward his friend,
in order to hear,
better.)
"I don't UNDERSTAND?
What did He SAY?"

(Vehement whisper.)
"He.....called us,
all: FOOLS!
And.....HYPOCRITES!"

"I don't BELIEVE you,
Plot'zee!"
(Laugh!)
"I don't BELIEVE YOU!"

"Go and ask
Met'zhrin!
He was THERE!"

"I WILL!
But....TELL me!"

(Long pause.)
(Squinty-eyed look,
at the passing folk.)
(Frown.)
(Squint.)
(Whisper.)
"Well.....you know,
that I invited Him,
for a SUPPER...."

"Yes! YES!
Go ON!"

(Long, dramatic pause.)
(Squint.)
"So, He came inside:
He, and some of His..DISCIPLES."
(Thin-lipped sneer.)
(Squint.)
(Unimpressed shrug.)
"Well....they just SAT
DOWN, to EAT:
without....WASHING
THEIR HANDS!"

(Gasp.)
(Thin mouth open,
with surprise.)
(Low whisper.)
"WHAT?"

(Slow, dramatic nod.)
"You HEARD me!"

"I don't BELIEVE it!"

(Nodding.)
"Yes;
and....so.."
(Proud shrug.)
"...NATURALLY,
I QUESTIONED HIM,
on the SUBJECT!"

(Furious nodding.)
"Of COURSE!"

(Shrug.)
"Well....THAT,
is when He began
BERATING ME!
And....all the OTHERS!
RIGHT IN OUR FACES!"
(Point to himself.)
"And....I,
His HOST!
After..I had
PREPARED for Him:
much FOOD!
What AN INSULT!"

(Shaking head, in disgust.)
(Frowning.)
(Raising hand, in greeting
to passers-by.)
"He has NO.. MANNERS!"

"NO!
NONE!"
(Squinty-eyed glare.)

(Spit.)

(Spit.)
***********************
When the Pharisee
saw it,
he marveled that
He had not first
washed before dinner.
Then the Lord
said to him,
Now you Pharisees
make the outside
of the cup and dish
clean,
but your inward part
is full of greed
and wickedness....
Woe to you,
Pharisees!"
[Luke 11:38-43]

_______________________
*Jewish celebration of
a boy infant's
circumcision.

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