Marriage
What is the point of marriage? Many people seem to come to the conclusion that any marriage, even one of mutual love and respect, just wastes precious time. It is the understanding that humans are inherently selfish that leads many Christians to no longer depend on their primary and most basic relationships. Could this be, however, because of the misconception of what a loving relationship is? A loving relationship has a simple definition: two people who interact on at least a semi-regular basis, or are bound to each other in some way that makes their interaction imperative and frequent. A friendship can be a relationship. Two colleagues can share a relationship. A parent and child can have a relationship. While these relationships can be troubling, what is usually most complex is that of the marriage relationship.
Even imperfect human beings must strive to make every relationship a positive one, in whatever capacity it is in. The Bible has instruction in all of these relationships and how to make that possible. However, humans are foolish and misguided, and therefore corrupt simple guidelines for romantic relationships.
Ephesians 5 encourages positive marital relationships. Verse 33, however, proves to be controversial to many who misunderstand and misuse it. "The husband must love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband." This verse brings up many debates about gender roles and equality. A woman might argue, having read literally, "Why can't I have both love and respect?" A man may likewise desire to be loved and wonder “Why is respect more important?".
In trying to understand where we fit in and not wanting to be placed there because of our gender, some decide it is because men and women are just too different to require the same things. Suddenly men and women are not equals in this equation. However, that is not what this verse is insinuating. Men and women are both human beings who, in truth, do want the same things. There is, however, wisdom in that verse. Why? Because it is a reminder of what we allow to be missing in unsuccessful relationships. It is simply emphasized that we should continually love and respect each other despite our selfish tendencies to not do so. It serves as a reminder of how we should continue to treat each other rather than instruction on how to neglect each other.
The verse is not suggesting that we deserve very little positive treatment from each other. In fact it is suggesting just the opposite. To suggest a wife should respect her husband and nothing else would be detrimental. But it is necessary to take such a suggestion if respect is what constantly disappears from a wife's relationship to her husband. Likewise, when a man does not show love to his wife he no longer meets a very important need in a loving relationship. If this need is not met it creates a situation that is less ideal. But where does equality come into the equation?
Equally loving, and equally respecting each other is not betraying the intention of that verse. It is necessary to the relationship's success. Readers of the Bible should understand that point. To misuse this verse can result in abusive, one-sided, and loveless relationships. Neither husband nor wife should use the Bible to withhold love or respect, but instead use it to better understand their significance to loving relationships. A loving relationship serves as a model to others and therefore serves a profound purpose.
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