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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Abundance (06/08/06)
I stared from my office window as clients continually streamed into our parking lot. The vehicles driven were sputtering and rattling. The years of neglect coupled with thousands of miles driven had taken their toll on these machines. Neglected machines driven by neglected people.

Daily the poor came to the community service center. Each had a different story, but each seeking refuge and wanting to be touched with an act of kindness. For some, travel did not take them far from home for their worldly possessions were tightly packed in those make shift houses on wheels. They were coming to our organization for food, clothing and to look for employment at our job bank.

I observed the morning routine unfold, but something out of the ordinary happened this particular morning. To this day I cannot tell you what attracted me specifically to this van. There was nothing unusual about the two male passengers that caught my eye. One man was sitting side ways on the passenger side of the dilapidated minivan. His feet dangled outside the open door as if immersing his feet in a make believe ocean. His movements were slow and deliberate. The younger man was facing him and was fumbling for something inside a clear plastic storage bag.

My curiosity aroused I watched more intently. The young man pulled out what appeared to be a small face cloth and began to wipe the frail thin arms and unshaven face of his elderly companion. The weathered skin glistened in the sunlight. Then, aiding him in lifting his hands skyward, he attended to the underarms of the older man. I tried to look away feeling that I was intruding upon the privacy of human dignity, but I was riveted in watching the intimacy of this compelling moment.

Bending down, the younger man unlaced the worn shoes and removed them along with the dirty white socks. He then produced another wash cloth and began to wash his feet. Drying them with a towel, he replaced the discarded worn clothing, socks and shoes with clothing received from the center’s clothes closet.

I was completely captivated by this extraordinary scene. My emotions stirred within me each taking their turn in response to what I had just witnessed. I was angry at first that this elderly man had no place to wash privately. His dignity compromised. Then I experienced the flush of shame that I had remained a bystander and had chosen not to get involved. Upon further reflection I experienced compassion as I was moved emotionally by the tenderness of the devoted care of one human being towards another. Finally, a powerful truth found life within the depth of my being. I saw that abundance, wealth and worldly possessions are all a vapor and nothing is eternal except for the good that we do for others.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Sherril Wendling
06/17/06
A moving story, a beautiful lesson! You have an excellent command of language, and a very clear writing style! What you'll want to concentrate on now is spiffing up the sense of action with less "telling" and setting the scene, and more "showing" through the characters actions what you want to illustrate. A good starting sentence that draws the reader in might be one from your third paragraph:
"...something out of the ordinary happened this morning." Then go for the action! Great potential here!
Edy T Johnson
06/19/06
Thank you for letting us see this act of compassion through your eyes. Your closing message, illustrated by your story, is great.
Helen Paynter
06/21/06
Beautiful, tender story. I loved the last line.
Phyllis Inniss 
06/22/06
How well you've told this touching story. Loving and caring are tremendous expressions of what Jesus expects of us.