The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Great imagery and use of alliteration...

...but I'm sorry to say that I didn't understand it. I enjoyed it for its poetic language, but I guess it was too deep for me?

Maybe some more closure in the third part, to tie in with the title. You're definitely a talented poet!
I don't know much about poetry so I can't offer much in the way of constructive thoughts, but I really enjoyed the imagery in the opening lines. Very stirring!
Interesting poetic form!
Beautiful images. Also not sure of what your goal was in this, but it is VERY visual. (Not a poet, though - probably me!)
What a wonderful vocabulary and range of imagery. A poetic mind. Most exciting!

Would love to see the poem reworked, when it has lived with you a little while.

Some focus on major themes and careful "tying in" of metaphors would give it clarity and strength of meaning.

Maybe two poems inside this one????
You do have a lot of amazing word pictures here. I think you have a talent using words.
To the genius, to those that hold a Masters Degree in anything profound, and to those that enjoy something they cannot understand - This was a Masterpiece of writing!! However, I must confess I'm none of the above.
So, I plan to read and re-read this until I can make enough sense out of it to write a decent critique. Be Patient, please, I shall return. Thanks.