The Official Writing Challenge
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11/16/07
Well-written. Good job in this piece.
11/18/07
Good description of the frustrations of a mother.
11/19/07
A good story and one that is easy to relate to. I like the way they both encouraged each other. Nice work
11/19/07
I really, really liked this story. Your descriptions were awesome, I could feel your MCs frustrations.
Some of your sentences might need a lil polishing, read a lil rough; only a few. Your lead sentence was over 50 words long, not against the law :) but could have been split up into some shorter ones, even though the run-on-like sentence did set the caotic mood you were hoping for.
Your ending was great, brought tears to my eyes. God is good!
God bless.
11/19/07
Well told. How encouraging to be allowed to see others' weaknesses, and yet feel their peace, love and understanding being offered to you.
11/19/07
Clever title. Only someone who has gone through the same circumstances would understand. You've written this very well!
11/19/07
I like the way you expressed the notion of people who seem "in another league" than ourselves, are so often just like us. It's truly a very encouraging revelation! Great writing :)
11/19/07
I love how they encouraged each other. Your description of the chaos encouraged ME! (you should see my house LOL)

My only suggestion is to focus on a bit less telling and more showing. For instance, you said "she was humiliated" - saying her cheeks turned red and she lowered her face give the same idea but is more descriptive. You did this in general, but there were a few places you could do it a bit more.

Enjoyed this very much!
11/19/07
Hehe. You sure captured life with little guys! In my house it was legos (ouch!) and I'm happy to say that I don't miss the cheerios one bit!! LoL. Good job!!
11/21/07
Good story, good characters, and realistic dialogue! That adds up to a great read. Creative writing on this topic, too.
There may have been a few glitches - not many - in the mechanics of your writing but the authentic emotions expressed and human character and Christian love were so genuine I barely noticed. Wonderful job.
This was so good! Very realistic and especially the spaced lines when she's thinking "IF only" wow. That carried quite an impact and your MC was great. I loved the last few lines.
Your MC came to life for me. I think you did a great job telling this story. Keep Writing!