Christian Living

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It's Friday morning and Noelle wakes Tommie from his sleep and directing him to the shower to get ready for school. This morning, Tommie does not fight. He immediately gets up and heads to the bathroom, saying, "Today is Friday huh?" Friday. We've talked about Friday. It's the day we go and see the Judge. Tommie doesn't know how to show the good feelings, so he expresses them sideways through cooperating in taking his shower, acknowledging it's Friday and going straight to his closet to get his special adoption outfit. He bounces down the sidewalk to get on the bus and Noelle reminds him, "I will pick you up at 12:30."

When Noelle pulls up to the school, Tommie is there waiting by the door with his school social worker. He has told her, "Noelle is picking me up at 12:30 because we are going to the judge and I am going to be adopted." She asks him if he's happy and as scary as it is for him, he manages to muster up a faint, "yes." He's fighting the good feelings. He's trying hard to keep things inside, so as to keep from showing what he is feeling.

Noelle and Tommie are sitting at the head table with family surrounding the back of the room. The Judge asks Noelle, "Do you promise to love Tommie unconditionally?" Noelle turns to look Tommie in the eye and is surprised by her own emotion as she blares, "Yes." Tommie folds his arms, leans back in his chair and spreads a fake scowl across his face. The Judge asks, "Will you love him forever, as long as you both shall live?" Noelle looks at Tommie again whose fake scowl is struggling to keep potential smiles covered, and she says, "Yes." The Judge ends the ceremony by declaring that Noelle Elizabeth Palmer has officially adopted Tommie and his new name is Tommie Lee Palmer. When leaving the room, a new Auntie pats Tommie on the back and says, "Tommie Palmer." Tommie is quick to blurt out "NO! It's Tommie Lee Palmer!"

Why try to hide the smiles in the midst of good times? Why try to cover up what's on the inside, by plastering something fake on the outside? Why do we find it so difficult to really believe in and accept the blessings? Why are we in constant wait for the dropping of the other shoe? Have there been too many disappointments? Too many hurts? Too many rejections, abandonment's, lost hopes or failed dreams?

I picture Tommie's face as he sits next to me. Oh why does he try so hard to make the world believe that he just doesn't care? Why does he try so hard to keep from accepting the GOOD THINGS? The scrunched up and scowling face, painfully remind me of the protective-survival skills we have practiced and perfected in our lives. I am made aware of the arms length we have kept blessings from absorbing into our lives. I am reminded of the sabotaging self-preservation work we perform on a regular basis in our life.

One afternoon Tommie and I were talking to a friend. I wanted to brag about how well Tommie was doing in school and basketball. Tommie blurted out his refusal of my desire to brag. Out of curiosity, I asked him, "Would you rather I talk about the bad stuff?" With great relief he announced, "YES!" Think about that for a moment. Why is it that we are more willing to focus on the negative? Why would we rather talk about the things that are going wrong, or focus on the areas of our life that we are not satisfied with? Why are we more comfortable sharing our flaws, failures or shortcomings than we are in celebrating the greatness of our life and who we are? And why oh why, do we always anticipate the dropping of the other shoe?

My family, my friends and my self have done much to show Tommie that we love him and will do so forever. And yet, there is still more that needs convincing. I think about how much our Lord God has done to show us that He loves us and will remain faithful to us throughout eternity. Promise after promise in his Holy Word. And if the miracles, actions, joy and peaceful whispers aren’t enough to prove His love, then the Cross surely is. Yet, we still fight to keep the blessings of God at arms length away. We look over our shoulder looking for that other shoe to drop. At some point we need to be able to offer up all of our hurts, fears, worries and doubts to our trustworthy God and proclaim David’s song, “To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God.” (Psalm 25:1) Can you trust Him enough to let your protective walls come tumbling down? Can you put your heart into the hands of God and trust that His blessings are FOR REAL? With no catch, no gimmick and the other shoe will not be dropping? Oh Lord, I give it to you and I trust you!

“Why do we find it so difficult to really believe in and accept the blessings?"

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