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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: GRADUATE (08/01/19)
I’ve been downsizing, and now I’m going through sentimental items. Here’s a letter from an old friend. Leslie wrote it because she was bored during study hall, and she gave it to me in between classes. I nearly got detention because I couldn’t stop laughing when my next class started.

Dear Janet,

Can you believe we’re about to graduate from high school? Remember when we used to talk about what we wanted to do when we grew up? I said I wanted to perform colonoscopies just to get a reaction out of you.

At my Underachievers Anonymous meeting last night, I found out that regular meeting attendees can receive a 20% discount on tuition at a local college. So I picked up a catalog. You won’t believe what it said.

Here at Crazy Career Community College, we prepare you for a career of limited fulfillment, financial instability, and freak show status. Read the choices below:

Ant Hill Builder
Barf Cleaner Upper
Cherry Stem Artist
Chocolate Chip Whisperer
Dragonfly Trainer
Girdle Marketer
Handmade Toilet Paper Maker
Road Kill Remover
Sloth Race Referee
Toothpick Tester
Whining Coach

I’m laughing so hard that I can barely breathe. This letter is just as funny now as it was in the 80s.

There were also some pictures of their most recent graduation. They wore paisley gowns in their class colors, and dunce caps instead of graduation caps, with Silly String instead of tassels. There was an excerpt from the program, too.

Class motto – Don’t work any harder than you have to.

Class Colors – Mint Green and Pumpkin Orange
Class Flower – Stink Weed
Class Insect – Beautiful Wood-nymph Moth
Class Song – John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
Class Vice – Biting our toenails

Doesn’t that sound awesome? I might apply. Wanna join me?

Your Favorite Underachiever,
Leslie

She always did crack me up. I’m so glad I kept this letter. Leslie went on to be a successful comedian. I haven’t seen her for years, but I get to see her perform next month and will meet with her after the show. I’ll take this letter with me and see if she remembers it. It’s priceless, and maybe she can work it into one of her comedy routines.
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This article has been read 391 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Corinne Smelker 
08/08/19
I think a girdle marketer could make some great money.

This made me laugh!
Rachel Burkum
08/08/19
Too funny! And a sweet story of reflection as well. I enjoyed the read!
Barbara Culler 
08/09/19
Methinks you are a repressed comedian!
Verna Cole Mitchell 
08/10/19
I'm glad your sense of humor has surmounted every problem in your life. You have a gift!
Betty Castleberry
08/12/19
Toothpick tester. I heard that's a great trade to learn. Fun piece!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/13/19
This is fantastic! Can you give me the number of the college? I'd love to be a sloth race ref!😉 I think the beginning was fantastic. My friends and I used to do just that. Once I had to take a make-up test in the library and finished too quickly. I didn't want to go back to English class, so wrote my friend a letter. Unfortunately, some how it got mixed in with my test. The next day I received it, covered with red ink and a note to make corrections before the next class. (Of course I made comments about how boring and mean the teacher was) So I can relate to the wonderful MC and her friend. I thought laughing so hard she almost got detention was a great comment that made it feel real. I also loved the thought that went into class mottos, songs, and even an insect that looks like bird poop! How brilliant is that. Thanks for the wonderful giggles and the jog down memory lane.
Joanney Uthe 
08/15/19
You crack me up. Because we all want "limited fulfillment, financial instability, and freak show status." :-)

Love the humor in this.