Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: PUZZLE (11/24/16)
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TITLE: Halthanksmas | Previous Challenge Entry
By Allison Egley
12/01/16 -
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Note: “Holiday Season” for the purposes of this essay and hereby after is to be defined as October to December, when the holidays start coming in full force, and you measure time not by weeks and months, but by the next holiday.
Disclaimer: This is all in good fun, and nearly all tongue-in-cheek. For the most part, there is nothing wrong with any of these things. They just have a bit a weird side to them.
10. The month of October is known as “Halthanksmas” to all major retailers. Christmastime starts in October. I’m sorry, but I should not see Santa, Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman, and a decorative turkey right next to ax-murderer costumes. There’s just something wrong with that. Especially for the poor turkey.
9. Trick-or-Treating . Kids in costumes are cute, and candy is tasty, but think about it. Any other time of the year, we encourage our children not to talk to strangers. Yet, for one night, it’s perfectly acceptable to knock on a stranger’s door and ask for candy.
8. The presidential pardoning of a turkey. What about the pig who gave up his life for the ham he’s probably having instead? What makes a turkey’s life more valuable than a pig’s?
7. Elf on the Shelf. This one is not tongue-in-cheek. I’m sorry, but the idea of an elf watching your every move and reporting back to Santa is just creepy. My supervisor suggested we should get one for the office. I informed her that if it ever found its way to my office, there would be no more “Elf on the Shelf.” It would be more like “Elf in the Dumpster” or “Elf in the Big Toy Factory in the Sky.” That second one sounds much more humane. Or should that be elfmane? If you like Elf on the Shelf, we’ll just have to agree to disagree, because I’m not budging on this one. It’s freaky. End of story.
6. Black Friday. Thursday: Dear Lord, thank you for all you’ve given to me. Friday: No. You cannot have this 52-inch plasma TV. It’s mine. ALL MINE!
5. Off-Site Office Christmas Parties. Especially if anyone gets… inebriated. Word of advice: Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want written on your next annual performance review.
4. The song “Grandma Got Run over By a Reindeer.” Wait. In what world does this song make any sense? Why are we talking about a family member getting run over by a reindeer, and why doesn’t Santa come back and check on her? Certainly, if he knows if we’re asleep or awake, he’d know if Grandma is mauled by his own reindeer.
3. Santa. Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s not much wrong with the idea of Santa. Giving gifts and a spirit of joy is good. But really? He comes down the chimney? That’s not at least a little bit freaky? What if Dad forgets to put the fire all the way out and his suit isn’t flame resistant?
2. Ugly Christmas Sweaters. Why? Just... why?
1. Buying expensive toys for anyone under the age of two. Buying babies presents is fine, but just remember. They will probably enjoy the box and wrapping paper just as much as the toy inside. And all they really want is to grab the shiny, colorful lights and ornaments off the tree.
This Christmas season though, let’s not be puzzled by what really matters.
Isaiah 9:6 (NKJV)
For unto us a Child is born,
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Matthew 1:23 (NASB)
“Behold, the virgin shall be with child and shall bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,” which translated means, “God with us.”
God. With us. May we never forget.
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God bless~
I agree wholeheartedly!
Think of all the animals needing a pardon: chicken duck, quail, cow, lamb, etc.