Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Expand (07/18/13)
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TITLE: My Tale of Acceptance | Previous Challenge Entry
By Carla Rogers
07/24/13 -
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“Father, I am placing this letter in the mail. You know our financial situation and our desire for a child. This desire can only be done with a miracle. Let your will be done.”
Ever since a well meaning DSS agent told us years ago that we might be too old to adopt way back then, this simple act of requesting information for starting an adoption was a large leap of faith. Being married for over twenty years with no children, we had come to accept that God wanted us childless. But when a friend called to see if we would take a foster child that needed to be moved into a better environment, we realized that we desperately wanted children. Knowing that we couldn’t do anything for this particular foster child because we hadn’t gone through the process, we decided to take that leap of faith by sending in the inquiry information.
I knew that putting the inquiry card in the mail was a beginning of a new part of our life and family, but I didn’t realize how many emotions would come with this action. Most of my emotions surrounded fear that the adoption would go through or that it wouldn’t go through, depending on the time of day. If we continued to pass through all the process, then our lives would be changed forever. Would we be ready for that kind of change, to have a child interrupt even our bathroom time? We were set in our ways, being married twenty years. If we failed to pass through, then our hopes to ever have a child, even foster a child, would be dashed forever. Could we go on with life without any hope of having a child?
I was afraid to hope that we would ever have a child because it would devastate me if we were rejected. What if this dream wasn’t from God? For some reason, I couldn’t trust God with the outcome. I played a “what if” game to see if I could really trust God with this dream. What if the adoption didn’t go through, what then? We could still find ways to help local children through church. What if the adoption did go through, what then? We would have a child of our own, but we would have to depend on God for finances and all decisions. I realized I could live with either outcome, but I needed to know that we had made all efforts humanly possible. Our hopes of expanding our family have caused us so much emotional turmoil, but it has been worth it.
Father, help me to always verify that my dreams come from you. Remind me that fears do not come from you, since you are a God of peace, not confusion or fear. Amen.
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