The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 95 times
Member Comments
Wow! This gave me goosebumps! Great story. I'm not sure where the topic fits in, but I enjoyed it.
Oh, I see the topic now. Forget I said anything about it. :)
Both of these problems are so front-and-center today. The homeless numbers keep growing as does the apathy of the young. You've hit both in this compelling entry. Nicely done.
In re-reading, I noticed one suggestion I could have offered, should you have concern for word-count. You can save words by combining come on to c'mon. Just a thought.
You've captured the dialogue very well, though some "active" words would enhance the tension here - like (for the old man) groaning, wincing, groaning or huddling in self-protection.
Hunter's facial expressions, or his fists or gestures - or Brady's head turning to and from the other two - or his breathless uncertainty would bring it even more to life.
However, the old man is clearly a messenger from God, and his fulfilled prediction provides a warning for any reader. However, these suggestions might require reducing the word limit to about 3000 words!!!! ;-) (Or about as long as this brief review!!!)
Truly a case of 'opposites attract.'The two young men had very little in common. Yet; they both had the same decision to make. Sadly, Hunter turned away from God. Thank you for reminding us; each individual must decide...

Wing His Words