The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
That had to have been the greatest surprise ever! Great job on bringing the biblical account to life.
08/06/19
I loved it!
Well done,
Blessings~
08/08/19
Beautiful retelling from Mary's perspective! It was fun to feel her emotions throughout the story and her final joy at the end.

Some red ink: keep an eye out for redundancy. For example, in this sentence, "Gasping, Mary was finding it hard to breath as she turned to leave, her tears flowing even faster than before" gasping and finding it hard to breath communicate the same idea. You could tighten it by writing, "Mary gasped and turned to leave, her tears flowing even faster than before."