The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/18/19
The imagery of the gate, lips, teeth and tongue is very good.
Character is very believable.
I liked the father's compassion in the story.
I think the theme of the "tongue no man can control," is important.
I half expected the boy to out with a complaint at the game.
Good messages.
I loved your analogy of the gate. I also like the name Nutri-nuggets. Yuck- sounds like cat food. Well done.
I like your take on the topic. It is different than the typical clumsiness but really fits the theme.
A couple of tiny things--it should be sharper not more sharp, I can see how it might fit his personality. My daughter teaches first-grade, and kids lie and fib a lot. Getting sent to the principal's office would be overkill (plus the office would be so crowded), perhaps instead he cmight have had to sit out during recess.
Your message is a great one. I liked how he made a mistake at the game. I also liked how his father guided him, but the final resolution of the conflict came from the boy. Good job.
04/19/19
Clear, step-by-step guidance through the turmoil, with strong dialogue and inner thoughts. Well done
04/19/19
This is precious. My son had this problem for a while; we had the same conversation as the dad in this story had. So true that Jesus can change our hearts and help us tame our tongue. Wonderfully written.
This interesting story really shows how we all need God's help. I think it could well be published in a magazine for youth or in Sunday School Literature. You might try Evangel, published by the Free Methodist Church.
This is a very good lesson for me, and I'm certainly not a kid anymore. There are times when I need to watch what comes out of my mouth.
Nicely done!
04/24/19
I am 50-something and still struggle with this. When I interviewed for my position as admin/PA for our pastor he asked whether I could keep confidences, and keep my mouth shut when people were rude. I answered, "Absolutely. As long as you don't need to know what is going on up here!", pointing to my head. Well done.
04/25/19
Congrats on your EC. This is a great story. Well done.