The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/11/19
Thought-provoking material which you have earthed in a credible and challenging scenario. You have also included some solid thoughts in the sisters' dialogue. Well done.
04/11/19
Your love for God and His word shines through in this one! Credible story about youth and a nice ending. Thank you for sharing and God bless your writing journey!
04/12/19
A good example of young sisters bonding in difficult times...

Wing His Words
04/12/19
so many youth have to grow up in challenging circumstances and set an example they might never have otherwise. God bless you for this realistic dialogue. May God answer the prayers of all little girls who are crying out for their mothers.
Great story, and it leaves me wanting to hear more of it!
This touched my heart deeply because it sounded a bit like what my kids went through growing up. I was in and out of the hospital a lot and my oldest tried to mother her siblings. The main thing I'd suggest is to be careful of POV shifts. You jumped into both sistwrs' thoughts. The dialog was close to a kids' talk, but a bit wordy. Kids don't tend to speak in complete sentences. I did enjoy the prayer though. I think the ending was nice too. I know my kids had moments where they wanted to beat one another, but also moments where they wanted to make a difference and now I am the proud mother of three amazing adults. It's pretty cool what prayer and faith can accomplish.
Congratulations on ranking 19 overall. Happy Dance!