Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: MAP (01/31/19)
- TITLE: Path to a Purpose
By Laurie Glass
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It’s no longer feasible to do simple things like take a walk, go out with a friend, or attend church. I’m held prisoner in a frame that barely carries me through the day. With severely limited energy, body aches, brain fog, and more, I cry, moan, and grieve while wishing for a way to chart the course of this changed life.
As I agonizingly let go of what could have been, I want to find some way to move forward. Perhaps I will handle my circumstances better if I find a new purpose. But I look to a future that eludes me. No matter which way I turn, I see only dead ends. My illness doesn’t allow me to function normally. I don’t belong on the same roads that others take in life. I remain lost.
This is why despair sets in. I struggle to see the point in going on. As I pray, listen, and ponder, I wonder what God has in mind. Does he have a reason to keep me on this earth? Given my pronounced physical limitations, I feel prompted to look inside and examine my God-given traits. Can something in me help me find new purpose or make a difference?
While I struggle with mental focus, in my lucid moments, I want to reach out to others who suffer with this disease. I long to help them feel heard, understood, and less alone. I change direction a bit and start to veer away from despair. Yet I also take another turn toward self-doubt. Who am I to help others? I barely hang on myself some days. But maybe that’s why I am the right person. Perhaps it’s why God nudges me to speak words of kindness, hope, and inspiration to others. He knows I can walk alongside and understand the difficult route this disease takes us.
While I slowly travel on a new road, and I don’t go the distance I once planned, at least it isn’t another dead end. I believe God is steering me on this course. This is the only truth which gives me hope that I will find my way. Perhaps I’m no longer lost.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
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