The Official Writing Challenge
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This is a great retelling of this story. You pulled me in right away. The inner turmoil and conflict grabbed my attention and the external conflict held it to the end. I thought it original take on a familiar story and it felt fresh. Often at Christmas, we forget the Easter stories, and they are just as vital to why Jesus came. Nicely done.

Just a couple of tiny notes. I think if you go back and count, you might be surprised how many times you used a form of the topic word. Some of the best stories are ones that are clearly on topic, yet don't mutter the word once. Another word I noticed you used a few times was so (so grateful, so honored) Don't be afraid to use words that might better suit what you're trying to say: beholden instead of so grateful, venerated instead of so honored. I also noticed wrong was used three times in first two paragraphs. Don't be afraid to mix it up some.

Overall, you did a grand job of pulling me in, and even though I knew the ending, I still held onto every word. Your message is clear, concise, and Christian. I'd love to see the Bible verse this story was adapted from (as an author's note or footnote at the end),so as to read it and compare, but you did a fine job of making it easy for the world of today to understand. Overall, outstanding writing.
12/19/18
I thought this was a beautiful telling of the story. You are a writer! When I read Shann's suggestions I could see how each of them would make the telling even better. A good writing lesson is a gift. Thank you for an example of a story well told.
12/30/18
Congratulations Jack! You have recounted this Biblical event in a way that brings it alive and makes it personal, through Simon's eyes. This is really good writing and your EC is well-deserved.