The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/07/18
The idea for the story is good but the ending needs work. Perhaps deleting a few sentences in the first half would give you enough word count gain to make the ending more believable.
This is a powerful story. You do a nice job of painting a picture. I'm not sure if you needed the first paragraph. I think the second might have been more powerful. The ending was sweet though. You packed a lot into only 750 words.