The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 127 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Ahh...how might it come to pass? It was very creative to begin the presentation of the possible scenario in "Star Wars" or "Star Trek" style, and then flow into a more Roman feel. That's how I perceived it. I especially like your ending paragraph. It is a nice finish.

A couple things I think could be tightenend up are:

1. “And I am Kratos, also known as Lucifer, Satan and many other names. (I think you should have just said 'Lucifer' and then put a period. It seems too wordy to add the others. (People know the names.)
2. The very last sentence is a run on.

Enjoyed it!
What if everyone who posted in Challenge entries also commented on/critiqued at least three others? I'm shocked that so many post, and so few read and post a review for others. It seems only a few people have the courtesy to critique but would like the critiques on their own. I am new here, and originally was excited about this site. If you are one who DOES regularly read and comment on others work, then may the Lord bless you mightily and publish you quickly.
11/25/18
This is pretty good. Very creative.

It took me awhile to figure out what was going on. At first it felt like an OT battle re-written. I think I'd have maybe given a few more clues early on. Also, for some reason, (and this may just be me) the use of "rifles" didn't seem to fit the clearly Biblical wording, even if this is the end times, and rifles would be available. I think I'd have chosen a different term, or a different weapon. But that's probably just me.

Great job with this, overall.
You did a fine job of pulling me in. At first I pictured an Old Testament setting, but it didn't really distract me too much. I quickly shifted my thoughts at the crack of the rifle. I think the biggest confusion wasn't setting, but more characters. At first I pictured just demons and angels or saints. But again, I adjusted quickly. You did a nice job of tackling the topic in a fresh way.