Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: GREED (03/08/18)
- TITLE: Silent Noise
By Dianne Janak
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Here I am. My first ever Christian retreat, and to be honest, I’m thinking these people are a bit odd. They meant it. It’s really going to be a silent retreat with what 40 women here? You saw me and hubby laughing about it before i came. Sorry, but I’m just not believing it’s possible.
Oh, and I didn't know about the fasting part. Only one full meal a day? Are they serious? I’m not so sure I can do this. Talking and eating are pretty much my hobbies.
But I felt kind of like pulled to come here. Not sure I can explain it to you. It’s something in my gut. Pulled. Was that Your doing? You are sneaky, sometimes.
So they gave me this afternoon challenge. I’m supposed to be “meditating” on these six words. “God wants all of my attention.” Really?
I’m supposed to think about nothing but this for two hours until the bell rings, and write about what’s happening. Here we go.
The word “all” pretty much bugs me. It’s like really, God? You are busy, and I’m rather boring. I don’t think I can entertain you for that long. I have some funny stories and jokes, but you have heard them all. That would mean you don’t get tired of me? How does that work? I get tired of myself on a daily basis.
Seems like you would enjoy the breaks when I watch TV, or play with my cellphone, or just chill out reading a good magazine about some pitiful movie star. That sounded bad, but honest. Lying to you just doesn't work.
But I guess if I give you all of my attention, I’m thinking you may not appear in those places that distract me?
But then again, are you really here now? You don’t exactly "appear" you know, so sometimes that’s kind of hard to get.
You know my history from rehab that I could not get enough and almost ruined my life. Every time I hit bottom, I always wanted more. Never ever was I like "ok that’s enough"… I needed more. The definition of addiction right?
Now I'm hearing you want “all” of me?
Are you like addicted to us, or what? I mean if you want all of me, my actions, my feelings, and good grief, even my thoughts, doesn’t that mean you are kind of well, greedy about my time? I thought "greedy" was a bad word?
Hoping this isn't disrespectful, but I got questions, and I know You have answers.
This part I do get. Jesus gave His "all" for me. But wasn’t that to set me free? Am I free if I have to give you all my attention? Please help me with this. Maybe I got it wrong up there, thinking I needed to entertain You during this time.
Hmm. I’m writing this like I talk, and I know you aren’t gonna grade my grammar. Thanks for that, by the way.
Hmm. ( A pregnant pause here while I "meditate".)
Ok, bingo. If I were to give you all my attention, I would have to be quiet. ( thus the retreat experiment that I’m actually kind of liking now ) And I’d have to stop what I was doing. And actually listen to You. And then my days would be more of yours than mine, cause I bet you would be telling me what to do next.
So maybe that’s your plan for me?
Hmm.. All of my attention, ‘cause you are always giving me all of Yours? Since you are everywhere and read me better than anyone I know. So in a sense we become addicted to each other. And our support group is other believers like at this retreat?
Dang… ( is that an ok word? Please, let me still say it? ) It’s clearer now. This “meditating” thing is WOW! This was an “aha” moment just now. I bet there could be more?
This is actually freeing! And Father God, I’m really glad you are “greedy.” Your kind of greed is really nice.
"Getting to know You" and in my mind singing that song!
Love, … Shultsy (my nickname from way back, remember?)
PS. The bell hasn’t rung yet, so what am I supposed to do now? I’m all ears.
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