The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
It's so hard to let kids go. My daughters are an hour away and my son is 10 hours away and moving again farther away. Yet, I would have it no other way. I worked so hard to make them independent, and they grew up and left me!

I think because this was based on a true story there are some facts that are important to you that the reader didn't necessarily need. That's always so hard to ascertain though. I was a bit confused why teen siblings would live elsewhere, but then figured they were half siblings. I noticed you had some tense slips too, but they were quite minor.

I think you have a delightful sense of humor. It's subtle, but that's my favorite kind. You seemed to handle the topic well too. I think this was a harder topic for us non-Aussies, but you did a great job. The ending tugged at my heart a bit, which is great. This story was full of positive messages and well told.

You've packed in a lot of strong emotions as they swirl through this piece, in all the changes taking place.
A couple of tense changes caused me to re-read here and there, but overall, it has an air of authenticity.
Intriguing story, nice job with the topic,