Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: ENTERTAIN (04/27/17)
- TITLE: Entertaining Fears From Within, Doubts From Without
By Judith Gayle Smith
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The Book of Proverbs is full of strong reasoning for unscrewing my head, shaking my brains out and handing over the entire ensuing mass to Jesus; advising my foolish heart to listen to Whom we are prompted to follow.
My Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills - so what do I accomplish as a result? Instead of wisely investing in His Word, planning for an uncertain future - I shove His cattle through my meat grinder, feasting on juicy hamburgers between panic attacks. I second-guess our Savior - hearing what He has to say, but allowing worldly temptations to overcome my common-sense "think ability."
Being a preacher's wife does not automatically qualify me as brain-totally Bible absorbingly wise - quite the opposite. I should, but do not heed the wisdom I so gently impart to others.
I am temporarily being housed in a comfortable rehabilitation/nursing home. Everyone here is very warm, openly friendly - and they have told me how much they would enjoy having my temporary stay be permanent here. "Bloom where you are planted" - what an opportunity to speak for Jesus, blessing all who hear and understand -- most especially myself. Unfortunately, it is not my "preach ability" that enthralls most here, but my "social ability" they respond so favorably to. Talk and warn for Jesus? They would probably chip in to have a limousine chauffeur me back to my home.
I have been praying mightily before checking my bank account this morning. It is the third of the month, and the comforting thought of our Social Security checks providing for our needs - mortgage, utilities, food and etc., kept me pleasantly drowsy until the afternoon. I awoke to pay the mortgage payment crunching up all of my SSA check. Then the "Russian Roulette" follies to ascertain which bills Mike's SSA check will cover this month. New water heater necessitating fourteen thousand dollars, totally not covered by the house insurance. I'd been pretty careful keeping the costs down, except for this gold-plated item.
I have to buy a Trimet Lift Bus Pass for the month - and a twenty-ride punch card - $122 every month for sister Barb and me. Mike's SSA must cover everything but the $1400 mortgage - which, of course, necessitates food, utilities, and everything it takes to manage a now only three adults in a six bedroom four bath echo chamber without Mike's booming laugh to love us through.
Without my hubby, I guess I am a nervous wretch now. It is so easy for me to preach comfort and wisdom when it isn't myself I must comfort. Mike passed into Jesus' Arms April 20th. He no longer is in pain, no suffering, thank Him. But yes - I am a foolish old woman. Methinks I should spend more time on my knees than on the computer. Mike's SSA didn't come in, and I must sell our home, so I have worldly jitters. Keep advising me, dear Father and godly friends - as Mike would say "I need the prayers and you need the practice." I will turn seventy-four in June - not as young as I once was, nor as strong. Therefore I must go to our Lord for strength and wisdom - and to you dear friends for prayer.
I will not give up - just having a wee bitty of a pity party right now . . .
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