The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/13/17
Good job presenting a tough, heart breaking situation. I felt like it ended abruptly.
03/15/17
Your story drew me in and kept me reading. I can't fathom the pain this young boy faced.

I believe you had enough material for two stories and may want to consider ending it before Cindy comes back into the picture.

I think you could leave off, His cheery mood lifts ... Because you repeat that line in the next paragraph. Cindy run [ran] off three weeks ago.

Tony? Your [You're] not should be changed to be a contraction.

I hope this story does well
this week; there has been a huge increase in heroin and prescription drug addiction and the message needs to get out.
03/16/17
Congratulations on your 7th place win this week, Sherry.

I'm a fan of your writing.