The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I loved the comparison of the whirling dervishes to a busy mom/wife. We all can relate. I did have a little trouble keeping up with who all the characters were in the story & how they fit together. I had to read & re-read to understand that Mel was the MC sister- but that's just me. Good lesson here about stopping to pay attention to those you love -don't put it off or get lost in your own business.
This certainly describes a busy life!

I have to agree with Sherry. I think you may have introduced too many people for such a short piece... The MC, his wife, sister, brother, kids... I had trouble keeping track of who was who. But then, I have trouble keeping track of people in most movies, too, so it's at least partially me.

There are some good reminders here. We can be too busy, even with seemingly good things!
Good story!
Congratulations on ranking 17 overall. Happy Dance!