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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: PROCRASTINATE (08/04/16)
From: The Procrastinators Society of America

Philadelphia PA

Our proud motto: “Behind You All the Way!”


To: The Manager,

Whitechapel Bell Foundry,

34 Whitechapel Road,

Tower Hamlets,

London, England


Dear Sir,

Three years ago, during our last annual meeting, one of our esteemed members lifted the mood from general torpor to a sense of mild awareness. All from his raising an issue that has caused much anxiety across our nation. And no less than here in Philadelphia.

This issue concerns our national bi-centenary, and how we might make an appropriately unique contribution to the celebration which may by now be receding in some people’s memory. We realize that - by your calendar - this great event took place some forty years ago. But this does not reduce our wish to offer something memorable to our national identity and ethos.

To be true to our principles, we would never put off till tomorrow what we could ultimately and completely forget; yet we owe something to our national heritage. And it’s this matter of owing that we believe should strike a mutual chord with you.

Well, if not striking a chord, then clearly a bell.

Yes, a bell. The Liberty Bell, which your foundry cast in late 1750 and inscribed with message that proved to be more than prophetic: “To proclaim liberty throughout the land unto all the inhabitants thereof – Lev XXV – X. By order of the Assembly of the Province of Pennsylvania for the State House in Philadelphia.”

The bell turned out to be faulty when it was first tested, and it has not rung since a huge crack appeared in 1835. If it were merely a lamp-shade, we could easily turn it around and conceal this fault; but you will appreciate that we are referring to a two-thousand-pound bell!

For centuries, Whitechapel Bells has been the world leader in bell-making – including your world-famous “Big Ben” - and we are sure that you would not want your reputation to be tarnished in any way. Not that we should actually precipitate such action, for we firmly believe that if anything is worth doing it should have already been done.

However, we ask you to address this unfortunate scenario. We are a proud nation, with much to be proud of – without denying the rich treasure of our mostly British origins. So, without rushing to the main point of this correspondence, we would like to know if you would seriously consider upholding the warranty provisions of this purchase which was made in good faith.

Yours faithfully,

I M Whiting

Society Secretary

June 22, 2016




June 30, 2016

To: Mr I M Whiting

The Procrastinators Society of America

Philadelphia PA

United States of America



From:

Whitechapel Bells

34 Whitechapel Road

Tower Hamlets

London, England



Dear Mr Whiting,

Upon receiving your letter, I immediately called an emergency meeting of our Board of Directors.

The Board wishes to express our unanimous regret that our product has not met with your satisfaction, and in the spirit of international goodwill we wish to advise that we will replace it for you at no cost.

This warranty is unconditional, however it will be null and void unless you return the bell to us in its original packaging.

Yours sincerely,

Jeremy Ponsonby-Smyth

Managing Director,

Whitechapel Bells,

London

Author’s note.
This story seemed to have all the trappings of an urban myth, but I’ve learned that members of the Procrastinators Society actually held a mock demonstration – demanding some warranty redress - outside the famous London foundry on July 4 1976. And Whitechapel’s matching tongue-in-cheek reply is just as true!

Seeking to enter the spirit of lethargy that surely pervades a society with such a slothfully-noble agenda, I’ve rewritten the story to reduce any activity to the minimum level of an exchange of correspondence between two created characters; and changing the date.
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This article has been read 674 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Danielle King 
08/12/16
Oh, this is a pearler. On first reading I failed to take in the detail, but when I read the line about returning the bell in its original packaging I howled with laughter. Only on re-reading did I note how procrastination oozed from start to end. I think this is a very cleverly written entry indeed. And thanks for the belly laugh.
Holly Westefeld
08/13/16
This was a fun read. I was pretty sure from the outset that it had the ring of truth to it, despite the liberties you took.
Do you suppose Danielle meant bell-y laugh? :D
Danielle King 
08/13/16
Well, a-chord-ing to my lofty thoughts, this is a Britissue, and I foundrydress to the suppliers most liberty-ating. However, it seems the outcome warrenty-even worth the ding-dong it caused!
Beth LaBuff 
08/15/16
My favorite line, "If it were merely a lamp-shade, we could easily turn it around and conceal this fault..." All the procrastinations in this add to its hilarity! :) This has all the bells and whistles of a good entry. I'm clapper-ing loudly.
Joe Moreland
08/15/16
This is hilarious. I can tell you that I have already repeated this story to several people, so that should tell you how excellent it is.

Very creative and clever--and witty. Great job!
Verna Cole Mitchell 
08/18/16
Great job, oh clever one!
Danielle King 
08/18/16
Well, you've package-in a lot of detail and I bell-ieve you've cracked a winner, but I won't make a ding about it. Congratulaions!
Holly Westefeld
08/18/16
Congratulations, Noel! Reading the comments is almost as much pun as reading the story. :)
Sheldon Bass 
08/19/16
Bravo! Too bad I didn't have you for a history teacher back in high school. I might have actually made the gradeit's quite exhilarating to learn something new while grinning like a cat on the nip in Cheshire England. Fine writing, entertaining and one I will remember. Laughter is good for many ailments, like solidifying facts in the memory.
Sheldon Bass 
08/19/16
Someone should have done a humorous piece on the topic of "congratulations," because I forgot to do so. Congrats on the well earned EC!
Loni Bowden-Horn
08/20/16
Noel, I cracked up reading this tale of travesty told in such a terrific manner.

My soul pealed with joy. This story rang true on so many levels.

Congratulations on your EC win and lifting my spirit.

C D Swanson 
08/20/16
Congrats Noel.
Well done.
God Bless~
Ellen Carr 
08/21/16
Congratulations on your EC Noel. You've successfully taken a true slice of history and embellished it into a great story, and of course, it's very funny!
Bonnie Bowden 
08/24/16
Congratulations, Noel, on winning the 4th place EC award this week.

I couldn't believe this was based on a true story. I peeled with laughter after reading your story.

Bea Edwards 
08/28/16
Your clever title was one of my favorite parts of your even more ingenious, fictionalized- nonfiction entry.