The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 234 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
06/17/16
Thought-provoking material with a human touch. Well done.
I enjoyed Aunt Sophie. I thought she had a great deal of wisdom. I thought you were quite clever to comment on her sermon. It made what could have seemed too preachy to be okay because the MC already called it a sermon. I think that was quite clever.

My only red ink is you started with a passive line. You could fix it easily like this: Unconventional Grand Aunt Sophie married unsuccessfully twice; she'd been involved in too many relationships to count and was left childless with no immediate ties.

You did a great job of introducing the conflict right off the bat. I think many reflect on their mistakes when sensing the end is near. Thankfully, she found Jesus who loved her enough to forgive all of her mess ups. You do have a great message here, and I enjoyed it.
Congratulations on ranking 13 overall. Happy Dance!