The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/03/16
Great job presenting the various faces and dimensions of the abortion issue here.
03/04/16
You did a fine job with a topic that gets everyone talking...

Blessings~
This is a great story on a controversial topic and you did a splendid job of sharing the MC's attitude and thoughts about her mother's job. I think the voice was a unique and interesting way to tackle the story.

In my opinion, having more showing would have pulled me in even more. For example, you could do something like: Shivering, I glanced around, positive everyone was staring at me. My friend Angie squeezed my shoulder as she cupped her other hand around my ear. "Ignore them. They shouldn't be judging you for your mom's actions. Besides, at least she's doing the right thing now."
That's just a rough example to show you what I mean. Also, be careful about POV shifts. You mentioned the mom thought the MC was asleep. You can't know what someone else is thinking. Instead, you could have done something like: When my mom saw me watching, she turned off the TV and said, "I thought you were asleep." It was too late though; the pictures were forever ingrained in my head.

I like your take on the topic. You covered it in a couple of ways, the start of life and a fresh start, which really infused the topic throughout the entire story. Your pacing was perfect. You drew me in right away. This story is a great way to start people talking and will really make an impact in ways you might never expect. I can also feel your passion ooze through the screen. You did a great job.
03/05/16
Terrific job of writing such a controversial subject without preaching. Many of the abortion doctors have been deceived into thinking that life is just a mass of cells, a fetus.

I agree with Shann's points, but I think it was well written overall.
03/10/16
Congratulations, Marlene, on your 10th place finish.
03/11/16
Congrats!
Blessings~