The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 556 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
11/26/15
Clever, absorbing build up to a great twist at the close.
What a delightful mystery. You did an awesome job of pacing this. I was positive I had the ending figured out (The uncle was selling Grandma's cinnamon roks) Your ending was way better.

My red ink is tiny. Some lines needed smoothing out. I find if I read it aloud (or even better have someone else do it), I can figure out what lines need tweaking. For example, I read this line several times before it clickked: I was going to my grandma's to try to help her from her own son.
I think I would change it to: I decided to protect Grandma from her very own son.
It's not perfect, but I think it's a bit easier to understand, and it tightens ip the line by decreasing the count from 15 words to 10.

I found myself hanging onto every word. You have a knack for suspense. I really enjoyed this. I also think this would make a great book or article for mid-level readers (perhaps ages 8 to 12). You did an awesome job, and it's on topic too. It also has a couple of powerful messages in it.
12/02/15
Well written and contrived, I was into this from the first word until the last.

God bless~
12/03/15
Congrats!
God bless~
12/03/15
Congratulations on your EC award, Amy.

Your piece was suspenseful with an added twist to the ending.
Amy, This was a suspenseful story and you have a gift of weaving an intriguing story. I loved the last line on finding warmth when you saw the grate. Congratulation on your EC win.
12/04/15
Congratulations on your EC - totally expected. Well done.
Congratulations! A well-deserved win. Such a touching story.