The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 476 times
Member Comments
This is a powerful story. It evoked all kinds of emotions in me. I can't even begin to imagine the horrors of war and how it would impact someone.

Even though you briefly mentioned the topic in the story, The story wasn't centered around the check-out. It may just be me, but I struggled to follow at some points. I think you tried to pack too much in only 750 words.

This would make an outstanding storyline for a novel. We need to be reminded of these times lest we ever forget. Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece of art with us. It has such power and will impact everyone who reads it,
Never having heard about this battle, but fully aware of how advanced armaments in WW1 rapidly outstripped the military training and "strategies" methodology, I feel your story is a very compelling one. Any confusion reflects the bewilderment of the man who had somehow survived the mayhem, but I agree with Shann that you've treated us to a sample of a much larger story. well done.
You've clearly researched this well and I agree that this could be a summary of a much long story. That said, you've brought your MC to life in a very clever and credible way. This is not a piece you can simply read, think 'very nice', and then forget: this piece hits the heart and you can't walk away unmoved. That's the mark of exceptional writing. Well done!
You have tackled a demanding topic in this short story and have done it well. It touches well on the anguish of returned soldiers and post war trauma. I think the word limit probably led you to cut it back a little too much. It lends itself to a longer, more reflective expansion I suggest.
After reading this a second time, I found it much easier to understand. It could have been my mood that day, but today I see a brilliant story. It does flow well. I picked up on things I'd missed earlier. I still would love to see this be turned into a historical novel. Coincidentally (although you probably already know), Jan's lesson this week is on researching for fiction. I bet you could share your experiences and help others too and maybe get some new ideas too.
Powerfully written...well done.

God bless~
Powerful and compelling writing. I had never heard of this battle so a picture within a picture was an interesting way to present the full story. There were so many gems packed into this short story.