The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/04/15
Loved it. Loved it. Loved it! Spot on topic and with a surprise ending that made me laugh out loud.

Your stories always leave me with the ability to remember them long after I've read them. I won't forget Mia and Eve. Great writing, here.

Blessings, my friend.
09/05/15
What a delightful read! Brought back memories of one cross-country trip to catch a plane back to Africa. Two California ladies dropped us off at the Motel Super Eight and drove over to the new Five-Star. Being a bit too new, the hot water had yet to be connected. We, on the other hand, enjoyed an inexpensive but steamy hot shower after our long hours on the road.

I loved your story. Thanks so much for sharing!
This is a delight. I enjoyed how you showed the conflict right off . It pulled me into the story and I felt eager to keep reading.

The opening line could have been smoothed a bit. For example: Eve smiled when the phone rang for the second time in ten minutes. Before she could finish saying hello, her friend Mia interrupted. "Are you..." I also saw a tiny POV shift when you said both women knew full well.

Other than those tiny things, I totally loved the story. You did a wonderful job of developing the characters. The dialog was great. You nailed the ending. I laughed so hard. It wasn't what I was expecting and you did a masterful job with this great story.
09/06/15
Great contrast in personalities in your main characters.

Mia reminded me of the MC in BBC's 'Keeping up Appearances.'

And yes, I need a vacation after my vacations!

Wing His Words
Congratulations on ranking 19th overall! Happy Dance!
I loved this story. I found it refreshing and entertaining. A perfect and fitting ending for Eve. She may need a sliver of humble pie from her friends for desert.