The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/12/15
Powerful story with a clever title: told with credible graphic and incidental details included to emphasise its veracity. Well done.
06/12/15
What a unique piece! You let a simply stated backstory transition seamlessly into conversation. I'm usually not patient enough to let it unfold like that. Great work:)
Wow, you did an awesome job with this. I felt my heart pound as I read this. You really pulled me in right from the beginning.

The only red ink I have is minor. Don't start a sentence with numerals; write it out or rearrange it so another word such as There're starts the sentence. Also remember the comma when a conjunction such as and or but joins two independent clauses.

You did a wonderful job of pacing this story. The message is a profound one; it gives me goosebumps when I think about it. You nailed the topic too. I thoroughly enjoyed it.