The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/01/15
Creative take on the topic - and this felt real. A bit of information dump (at least it felt like it to me) here and there, but otherwise compelling. Thanks for sharing!
This is interesting. I think you did a nice job with the descriptions and characters. It could just be me, but I did have a hard time following it here and there. At first, I wasn't sure if it was an adventure or a rescue, but you did keep me entertained. I don't think you needed the lines with the words trust and obey because it was obvious that your MCs needed to trust and obey each other. Your story had the topic sprinkled throughout it with a nice message.
Congratulations on ranking 18th overall! Happy Dance!