Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Write for the HUMOR Genre (10/09/14)
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TITLE: A Fairy Story - Not! | Previous Challenge Entry
By Danielle King
10/16/14 -
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Our upstairs window overlooks a private parking lot for the new apartment block that occupies a former green space.
The residents are mostly young professionals who find the nearby M1 to London convenient. Therefore the scruffy Mondeo parked below looked quite bereft.
Inside, two young men were waiting. They matched the car in presentation - denims, tees and battered trainers.
One of them turned and looked directly at me. I quickly faffed with the curtain like old women do, you know, the way it needs to hang just right.
The second one spoke on a cell-phone. I hid behind the curtain where my nose grew longer by the second. Nothing was happening. Eventually I became bored and returned to my laptop, but not before noting the car registration.
Suddenly, I heard screeching tyres and they were gone. Idiots, I concluded. Big boys, playing cops ‘n’ robbers.
As I was typing away I heard someone try the door handle. Husband always forgets keys, so to punish him I let him trail around the back to try gain access, unsuccessfully as I’d locked both sides.
He didn’t bellow through the mailbox to stop messing about, so I assumed he’d gone to top up the bird feeders.
A police helicopter hovering overhead was bugging my concentration. Caffeine, I decided at length, and went down to put the kettle on.
Midway down the stairs I stopped in my tracks. No husband in sight - but who needs one when the garden is swarming with fit young men. Several of them, hopping around like demented fleas.
Was I hallucinating? I stared at my empty coffee mug and considered cutting down to just the odd one per hour. Perhaps I was dreaming; strange things happen in dreams – or maybe my garden was just full of men.
And how on earth did they get there?
Although I live a stone’s throw from the city centre, the house is tucked away from sight. The only access is via a private road from the street. Over the wall and opposite the apartment block is a large disused warehouse that fronts onto a different road. Only the back of the building is visible to us.
I texted husband. ‘The garden is littered with men.’
‘Lucky you,’ he replied.
‘They’re like ants, colonising the wall - scrambling through the Hawthorne.’
‘Bit prickly!’
‘And a helicopter.’
‘Did you remember to take your medication?’ Grrrrrr!
The car park, those two men. I dialled 999 and told the officer what I’d seen. She took the car reg. “I’ll inform a patrol car,” she said.
“What? Is that all?”
The house phone rang. A neighbour asked, “Everything OK? There’s a van full of cops sealing the entrance to your access road.”
An officer banged on the front door. “Did you see anyone?”
“What? There’s an entire army round there.”
“No-one in your conservatory?”
“No. It’s locked,” I replied.
“They tried this door…”
“There’s no-one here… I even locked my husband out.”
This was bizarre. How does he know someone tried to gain access? Who the heck are these hooligans in my garden?
I returned to see a tall man being shoved back through the hedge, where another, pointing a Taser gun, ordered him to lie face down. A third man straddled and handcuffed him.
Two escorted him to the side gate and gestured for me to unlock it. Yikes, I hoped they were holding tight.
And the annoying helicopter... well, it hovered.
Finally, a glimmer of light in my low powered grey matter. I noted that some of the intruders had pulled on caps, signifying police ID.
So, I’d called the police, to report the police - to the police.
“What did they do?” I asked an officer when it was over.
“Let’s just say they’re a green fingered bunch!”
Eventually it emerged that the planned drugs raid had smashed a highly sophisticated operation that cost in excess of £50,000 to set up, and with a street value of millions; the largest haul in northern England. The 12 man gang were given lengthy jail sentences.
And it all unfolded in a sleepy, unsuspecting neighbourhood, just over our garden wall.
When husband arrived home later, he asked if I’d finished my fairy story.
“What?”
“Colony of ants? Helicopter? Hawthorne even?”
“Oh that,” I replied. “Nah, it’s been such a boring morning.”
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KJV 1 Timothy 3:16
"And without controversy great is the mystery of godliness: God was manifest in the flesh, justified in the Spirit, seen of angels, preached unto the Gentiles, believed on in the world, received up into glory."